I Am Not Negan
by The Sentinel 111
Summary: Samantha Phillips is a mercenary for the saviors. She is Negan's hound dog and does as he commands. She tells herself that she is Negan, but she knows she doesn't believe in that. In all reality, she is someone trying to get her husband back and out of Negan's clutches. But she finds that this won't be so easy. Will she escape? And if so, will her new group trust her? R
1. chapter 1

"Please! Please don't do this!" My target pleads.

"Shut up!" I yell at him. "Negan says hello" I say before putting a bullet between his eyes.

I lower my pistol and take a deep breath.

What the fuck are you doing? I ask myself.

I am a mercenary for the saviors. 'I am Negan'

It's been this way for me ever since the beginning. I've known Negan since before the infection, but he's changed and I don't like it. The kneeling and slavery and his stupid fucking bat. It's just a bunch of bullshit. I know what Negan is, and what he does to people. I wished he was the same man as before, but ever since the infection and the events after, he has been different. More ruthless. But I can't leave. He has my husband, Archer. He makes him do things that are unforgivable, and he hates it. Once I pay off my debt, then we'll book it. But until then, I'm Negan's merc.

 _You were a police officer_ I remind myself. _You were supposed to protect your people, what have you become?_ I ask myself.

I sit down in my car and take a swig of my liquor I've stashed. "I am negan." I tell myself, trying to convince myself that I believe it. Maybe if I can do that, then everything will be painless. But I know if I do that, then I'll be ruined.

"Sam, come in." I hear over my radio.

I sigh in annoyance and pick up the radio, "fuckin' dumbasses." I tell myself before replying, "what." I say in an annoyed tone.

"You take care of that problem yet?" A guy named Dwight asks.

"When don't I? Yeah, I took care of it." I say taking another swig.

"Okay, come back to base. Negan wants to have a little chat." He says.

"What for?" I ask.

"Dunno. Just get back as soon as possible." He says.

"10-4" I answer.

I take one more swig before stashing my liquor away and driving back.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Back at base, I park my car in my space and get out. When I walk inside, I take a few groceries, write my name down on the designated pads and what I took and depart to my apartment. I walk in and take off my bulletproof vest and my utility belt issued to me by my police department before the infection. I set them down beside my bed and look at my worn uniform in the mirror. I shake my head and take my shirt off when I hear a few hard knocks on my door.

I place my shirt at the end of my bed and grab a plain black shirt from my drawer before walking to the door and answering it. In the doorway, is Negan himself.

"Sup." I say before walking over to my bed again.

"Damn you are one fit gal. Why haven't we hooked up yet?" He asks me in his 'playful' tone.

"Piss off." I say before I put my shirt on.

"Oh come on now sam. No need to get all pissy. Just a little joke." He says with a smile on his face.

I look at him with a serious look. "Why do I get a feeling that you weren't joking?" I ask sarcastically.

He just laughs in response. "You know, I probably would have killed you by now if I didn't love how much of a badass you are." He says.

"Well that's comforting." I say going to the refrigerator grabbing a beer and taking a sip.

"So," I start, "why are you here again?" I ask him.

"Right, on to the subject at hand. We have a problem."

He says sitting down at the table. He gestures for me to sit and I obey.

"Is it hilltop?" I ask.

"I don't know. That's why I'm talking to you. I want you to find out who is causing us problems." He says.

"What happened that makes you want to dispatch me? Normally you would send someone else so it must have pissed you off pretty good huh?" I ask taking another sip.

"These assholes blew T's group to pieces on the road. I want to know who." He says.

"Gotcha boss." I say. "I'll report to you when I find them. Any leads so far?" I ask him before getting up and heading to my dresser drawer.

"No, no indications of anyone specific." He says.

"Got it." I say grabbing an extra uniform shirt and slipping it on over my black shirt.

"Want a beer?" I ask as I prepare.

"No, thank you though." He says. I nod and continue to re-dress myself. "You ever miss the good ole' days?" I ask him.

"What good ole' days?" He asks me with a warning tone, not to bring up before.

I look at him for a moment before turning to my vest, "never mind." I say.

I hear him get up and walk to the door, "i'll leave you to your preparations. Radio in to me when you're leaving." He says before opening the door.

"Yessir." I say as I button my shirt over my vest.

He pauses before leaving.

"Asshole." I say to myself before finishing and leaving.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

I drive to the site of the incident and see the burned remnants of T's group. I shake my head at the scene. I walk around and survey pieces of rubble before determining that there is nothing to go off of. Then, I hear the infected walk towards me from behind. I turn around and am met with three of them coming at me. I take out my combat knife and take them out within minutes with no problem.

I sigh before going to my car and looking at my map to determine where I'll go to hunt down these bastards. I look at the sites and find that hilltop is my best choice to find anything. I put my map away and drive towards hilltop, driven by my fake rage for the incident. Determined to prove myself as Negan's hound dog to maybe spare people of his madness. I know that if I deal with his enemies, then they will be spared of negan's wrath. Even if I am with Negan, I can at least fight against him somehow. But he doesn't need to know...


	2. I Am Not Negan: Chapter 2

I arrive not too far from the hilltop's walls. I get out of the car but not before I take a swig of my liquor. I get my messenger bag full of my gear and slide it around my shoulder and then my silenced hunting rifle. Then, I take on foot for the rest of my way. Once I get close enough to the hilltop's walls, I climb in a pine tree high enough to see inside but in a place where I won't be seen.

I've made this tree my home before I will admit. Negan has sent me to watch them numerous times before along with other various groups that we lay claim to or have just wiped out completely. I'm not proud of it, but I have no where else to go.

I take out my binoculars and look down at hilltop. Everything looks to be as normal as it's ever been. People are talking, looking happy, farming, eating together. It makes me smile seeing others smile again. But I erase that from my face before I do something i'll regret.

I continue to watch them throughout the day but I don't see anything out of the ordinary. I decide to call it a night and rest for a while. I take out my can of applesauce and another can of pinto beans and eat them cold. It's not as good cold but it's good enough to keep me from going hungry.

Once I finish, I look back at hilltop just in time to see the sun set behind their walls. Colors of orange, pink, and yellow fill the sky as the clouds cast shadows underneath their own selves. I smile remembering my home and the spectacular sunrises and sunsets given to me by Virginia's land and the sun's rays. I close my eyes and try to rest the best I can before continuing on tomorrow.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

When I wake, it's early morning. I look and see Simon and his group at the doors of hilltop, ready to collect. I roll my eyes at his smug look on his face.

One day that look is going to be wiped right off his face and I hope I'm there to see it. I think to myself.

I pack up my things determining that Simon can babysit them for a while. I climb down the tree and make my way to the car. On the way I'm grabbed by the shoulder and I immediately place my hand at my knife. However instead of being met with one of the dead, I'm met with a familiar face.

"Paul?" I ask.

He smiles and lets me go, "you fuckin' ass. You scared me shitless." I say relaxing from the tension.

"What are big brothers for?" He says slyly.

"You're only my half brother remember?" I say to him continuing to walk to my car.

"Yeah well we've been with each other since we were little so whether i'm half or whole, I'm still your brother." He says punching me in the arm.

"Fuckin ass." I say looking at him with a dirty look.

We reach my car and I put my things in the back seat before closing the door and turning to him.

"You know we could get caught right?" I tell him.

"Nah, their too idiotic to go this far. So what brings you to my neck of the woods lil' sis? Got Negan's errands to run? Gonna pick him up some milk? Or do you need to borrow a cup of sugar from your good ole' neighbors." He teases kind of coldly.

"Piss off. You know how I feel about them. If I could leave and live here, I would. But you know exactly why I can't." I tell him seriously.

"I know. Have you heard from him recently?" He asks talking about archer.

"No. Negan won't let me see him unless I do good by him. I haven't cracked a good case for him in a while, at least a month and a half, so I don't know what's been going on with him. I just hate how they treat him. I'm living the high life while he eats dog food in a dark room. But I guess that's the price if it means I can save him from the chopping block." I say reaching in my car and getting my liquor.

"Yea, I know. Don't worry. One of these days we'll get you guys out and Negan's reign will be over. We can introduce each other as siblings again instead of avoiding each other completely." He say crossing his arms and looking down.

"I know." I say taking a sip. "One day." I say.

A few minutes pass before we look at each other again, "Mom wouldn't have wanted you to be drinking that." He tells me.

"Well mom ain't here and who knows where the hell my dad is. Probably shooting up somewhere, if he's even still alive." I say bitterly.

"Probably. Well forget him. He was a piece of shit for running out on you and mom when you were little." He says shaking his head.

"I know." I say taking another sip.

"anyways, I'm headed out for a run. Please don't hurt anyone." He says pulling me into a hug.

"You know I only put a hurtin' on the bad ones." I tell him. "Anyone else and I send em' to sanctuary like I promised." I say.

He lets me go, "good. Be safe, and stop drinking that shit." He says walking away.

"No promises." I say climbing into my car.

"Love ya!" He hollers at me before running off.

I shake my head, "cut your hair!" I holler at him.

He stops and turns around, "then how would people call me jesus?" He playfully asks.

I chuckle, "bye brother." I say.

He waves and then disappears out of sight.

I shake my head and drive away.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

I continue driving until I find the place I've been keeping my eye on for a while. It's got nice houses and good sturdy walls with happy citizens. The only reason I haven't reported them is because I want to protect them. The haven't done any harm, so I don't want to cause harm to them. It's my job to serve and protect, but one day, they will be discovered and there will be nothing I can do.

I watch them clean their settlement of the dead. There are too many to even keep count. There must have been a horde here within the past day. The last time I was here, the wolves had caught up with them.

These guys can't catch a break. I think to myself.

Among the infected I see some of their own being put into graves, some that I recognize from watching them. The little boy that lived here, sam I believe, is barely recognizable now. The infected must have gotten him.

I shake my head in sadness. Had I been here, been a part of them even, then maybe I could have helped them. But I know I can't, and I might never get the chance to. But I'll fight to help them. I'll fight alongside him one day in a war that's taken too long to come. The time will come soon, and I know that we will end Negan's reign over these innocent people and liberty will prosper once again, just like what our fore-fathers fought for.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

 **Hi, thanks so much for reading I am not negan. My apologies for the weird looking format of my story. This is my first time using . I'm still trying to figure out how to use it. Feel free to comment or message me on how I'm doing on this story, it would be greatly appriciated for the future of this story. Also, if you would like to read anymore of this story or anything else I have written then check me out on wattpad. And thanks again for taking the time to read my story. It means a lot to me.**

 **The Sentinel.**


	3. I Am Not Negan chapter 3

I continue to watch the Alexandrian's for a good amount of the day to see how they're fairing. Once I decide that they have things under control, I get in the car and prepare to leave.

 _This would make a good place to flee to once me and archer bail._ I think to myself. 

I take a sip of my liquor and begin to drive back to base. I get at least two feet when someone jumps on top of the hood of my car and slides to the other side.

"Fuckin' hell!" I yell.

I get out of my car and run to the other side to check on the man. On the other side is my older brother Paul laying on the ground unconscious. 

"Oh my god, Paul!" I say kneeling next to him. 

I start shaking him and saying his name to try and wake him up but he doesn't. I start to panic when he jumps up and grabs me by the shoulders.

"Boo!" He yells.

I scream and punch him in the arm, "what the fuck Paul! You scared me shitless." I say sitting back as he laughs his ass off.

"You gotta admit, that was funny." He says trying to catch his breath.

I start to chuckle, "yea, it was fun runnin' you over." I say. 

He narrows his eyes and stands up. I stand and wipe the dirt off of me. "So brother, what are you doing following me?" I ask him.

"Following you? I haven't been following you, I guess we've just been watching the same people." He says crossing his arms.

"How long?" I ask him.

"Not long, maybe a week. I started watching as the herd came in. You?" He asks.

"Before the herd, not sure when." I say.

"Huh," he says, "you plannin' on turning them in to Negan?" He asks.

"No, I'm actually trying to keep them hidden, it would be a good place to lay low." I say.

He nods his head, "well, you wanna do some hunting?" He asks.

"For what?" I ask him confused.

"Them. It looks like they're going scavenging, and I have a plan." He says.

"Oh really? Tell me." I say.

He smirks, "well, It goes a little like this." He starts.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVV

We've been watching them scavenge for most of the day, following them from place to place mostly. We've taken my car to be able to stay with them, but we follow a good ways away so they won't spot us. 

However, we're currently hiding out behind a building watching them rig up a chain to a soda dispenser. Paul looks at me with a devious smile. 

"Now, when I come around the corner, throw these in the trash can back here and follow me." He says handing me firecrackers.

"Firecrackers?" I ask him.

"No time, just do it." He says and runs away.

I roll my eyes, "Fuckin' dumbass." I say. I stand next to the trash can and not five minutes later do I see him pop around the corner. I lite the firecrackers and throw them in the can and we both take off running behind the building. 

They start to go off and Me and Paul run to the truck. I get in the passenger side as he gets in the drivers side. I hear one of the men cuss and then Paul starts the truck and drives off. 

"Sorry!" Paul yells out the window.

I shake me head, "You can be an ass when you wanna be." I say.

He chuckles, "Yeah, but it'll all pay off once we're done." He says smiling.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVV

We continue to drive for a good five minutes until Paul stops, "Go get your car. You aren't too far away from it, just get ahead of me and watch until I stop and when I do, hide." He says.

I nod once and get out of the truck. I hurry over to my car in the woods and drive in front of Paul and we head off. 

We continue to drive for about fifteen minutes until I see Paul stop behind me. I pull into a clear spot in the woods and get out. I find a big branch of leaves and cover the car with them. Then, I go through the woods until I am beside the truck. I sit down and wait for the two men to show up. As I wait, multiple infected try to sneak up on us, but I take them out with no problem to avoid any distractions from the truck. 

Finally, the two men come running down the road. Paul hurriedly jumps out of the truck and acts like he is repairing a tire. The two men run up behind him and begin to attack him. I put my hand on my handgun just in case. Then, Paul finally gives up and is held at gunpoint. They exchange a few words before tying Paul up. 

When the men climb in the car and pull away, I run over to Paul and cut his restraints. We both run to the car and pull off. 

"Well that didn't work." I say.

"Yeah, I know. We have to get him to take us with him without giving him a choice. If we go with him willingly, they might not listen to us." He says.

"I know. Lets just keep going." I say.

He nods and we continue to follow them.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

We follow them to a farm not too far away. They pull in and before I do the same, I let Paul out of the car and I watch him run up to the truck and climb to the top of the truck with no problem.

I roll my eyes. I park the car at the end of the drive way and take the last sip of my liquor before getting out and hurrying over to the field where the truck is. 

I luckily get there just in time to see them slam on the breaks and send him flying off the truck. 

"Ohhhh." I say wincing and laughing at the same time. "Now that's funny." I say before running over to help him. 

He takes off running and the men follow him in the truck, however the thing they don't know is that I'm following closely behind. Paul cleverly evades the trucks pursuit and gets away. 

The long haired man jumps out of the passenger seat and takes off after Paul. I chuckle and go after the man in the truck. The man parks the truck near a lake and gets out of it. Just as soon as he does that, infected that were tied to a broken down truck break free and head directly towards us. The man runs over and takes them down and not a second after do I jump on him attempting to take him down. He throws me off my back and we wrestle for a minute before he finally gets the upper hand. 

Then, an infected walks up to us and I throw the man off of me and the infected falls on top of him. It tries it's best to take a bite out of him but fails as I put a knife through it's skull. 

Then, I feel a hard hit on the back of my head and everything goes black.


	4. I Am Not Negan: Chapter 4

My eyes lazily creep open and I'm met with white walls. I'm on a mattress on the floor in the middle of a dark room excepting the light through the window. I look around for a moment before being met with a splitting headache at the back of my head and right behind my eyes.

I rub my temples to try and relieve the pain but there is no success. Then, someone walks into the room.

"You're awake." A man with a crossbow says.

I look up and am met with a long dark haired man.

"Yea." I say squinting my eyes trying to relieve the pain, "man, what did y'all hit me with?" I asks him rubbing my eyes.

"My elbow." He says.

"Dear lord. What you got a metal arm or somethin'? That hurt like hell, still does." I say.

He shakes his head, "c'mon. I got someone you should talk to." He says.

I nod and get up. I follow him through the house until I hear paul talking.

"Not nearly enough for how many people you have, how many is it? Fifty four?" He asks.

"More than that." I hear a woman answer.

I step inside and they all look at me. "You okay?" Paul asks not looking too concerned.

"Yea, thanks for worrying." I say rolling my eyes.

He chuckles.

"So," I start, "I guess I should introduce myself, I'm Sam." I say holding out my hand for a man with a beard to shake.

Except he doesn't, "Rick." He says staring at me with eyes like daggers.

I awkwardly take my hand back and go to set it on my belt but it isn't there. I look down and see that I'm still in uniform, but am stripped of my possessions.

"We took your weapons away if that's what you're curious of." He says, "it's just a precaution, I'm sure you understand." He says looking at me testily.

"Yea, I understand." I say nodding my head.

"Good." He says.

"Anyway," Paul says adding to their previous topic, "we got off to a bad start, but we're on the same side, the living. You and Rick had every reason to leave me and sam out there, but you didn't. I'm from a place that's a lot like this one. Part of my job is searching for other settlements to trade with. I took your truck because my settlement needs things, and that I trusted her." He says pointing to me.

Rick looks to me, "well, why did he trust you?" He asks.

"Because I know what you people are capable of, I think you would be a great asset to his community. And I think trading with them would be a good idea for y'all too." I tell him.

"Do you have food?" An asian looking man asks.

"We started to raise livestock, we scavenge, we grow. Everything from tomatoes to sorghum." Paul answers.

"Tell us why we should believe you." Rick says skeptically.

"I can show you. We can take a car, y'all would be back within a day, and you could see for yourselves what we have to offer." Paul says.

"Wait, you said you were looking for other settlements to trade with. Does that mean you're already tradin' with other settlements?" The man with a crossbow asks.

Paul smirks at him, "Your world is about to get a whole lot bigger."

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

After the meeting, everyone leaves to prepare for the trip, except me.

I go an seek out rick, he's talking to a young boy next to the R.V. that they'll be taking to hilltop. Once he finishes his conversation, I approach him, "I can't go with y'all." I tell him, "I have some place to be." I tell him.

"So you aren't from hilltop." He says.

"No." I tell him.

"Where then?" He asks.

"A place far from here. It's better if you don't know." I tell him seriously.

"Is that so?" He asks.

"Yes it is." I say not taking my eyes off of him.

He nods, "your things are with olivia, at the armory." He says.

"And my car?" I ask.

"Next to the gate, untouched." He answers.

"Huh, you people are exactly what I've expected." I say.

"And what's that?" He asks.

"Good." I answer simply.

He nods.

"Well, I probably won't be seeing you people for a long time. I'll go get my things, but i'd like to say goodbye to my brother soon after. I don't know if and when I'll see him again." I tell him.

"Jesus?" He asks.

I chuckle, "I don't call him that but yes. He's my brother." I say.

He nods, "okay, go get your things and say goodbye, but then you leave." He says.

I nod.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

I gather my things and load them in my car. The r.v. Pulls up beside me and Paul steps out. We stand there and look at each other for a moment before we embrace.

"Take care big brother." I say in his ear.

"You too baby sister." He says.

My eyes begin to tear up as this may be the last time I see him in a long time.

"I love you." I tell him with a tear running down my face.

"Love you too sis." He says.

We let go and I wipe my face, "Damn, I need a drink." I say with a smile.

He smiles and pulls out my flask from his coat.

"It's got the good stuff in there." He says.

I smile and take it from his hand. I open it and take a swig. It burns on it's way down and makes my eyes water, "damn, that is the good stuff." I say.

He smiles and pats me on my shoulder, "bye, be careful." He says going back into the r.v.

"When am I not?" I say chuckling.

I get into my car and wait until they leave before I do.

I set out for the sanctuary, but take my sweet damn time getting there, because I know Negan is going to be pissed when he finds out I didn't find anything.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to need you to run that by me again." Negan says inches from my face.

"I couldn't find anything. There were no traces of the attackers." I say.

"Huh." He says backing away and walking behind me to my table in my room. He opens a beer and takes a swig before acknowledging me again, "well then, that's just great isn't it?" He says sitting down.

"I'm sorry, but I couldn't do anything about it. You're asking for a detective, but I'm not that. You made me into and assassin, not a detective." I tell him taking out my flask and taking a sip.

He scoffs, "right right, I forget you were just some small town cop. My bad." He says.

"Hey! I saved y'alls asses right as a walker was about to tear y'all limb from limb in the beginning!" I say raising from my chair.

He starts laughing, "yea, I'll make sure I remind your husband of that in a few minutes when I press an iron to his face." He says raising from his chair and dropping the glass on the floor, allowing beer and glass to go all over the floor.

Dread overtakes me as he leaves the room. However he stops in the doorway, "oh, and I want you to be the one to do it. Wouldn't want to take all the spotlight now would I?" He asks with a smirk before he leaves.

I drop my flask, liquor mixing with the beer on the floor. Tears stream down my face as I face the reality of what I have to do.

I have to torture my own husband.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

I watch as the fire heats up the metal of the iron. Stale tears stain my face as I try not to think about what I'm about to do. Then, I hear a scuffling behind me. I force myself to turn around and I see someone I don't even recognize. He has overgrown black, oily hair and a long overgrown beard. He is emaciated and dirty. And he looks at me with pity, not with fear.

He knew this would happen eventually. He must have accepted this, but he knows that that I haven't. So he looks at me with pity, knowing that this isn't my fault. I begin to tear up again and I have to turn away from him.

"It's okay sam, it's okay." He says in a rough, dry voice.

"Don't talk to her!" Negan says raising his voice. People begin to congregate around us and I close my eyes and force myself to stop crying. To show that they don't get to me.

"Now, let's get started." Negan says with a smile on his face.

"Sam, bring the iron over here." He orders.

I reluctantly grab the iron and walk over to him.

"Today, we're here to teach sammie here what happens when you come back empty handed!" He yells to everyone.

"Now," he says to me, "any last words to archie over here?" He asks.

I nod, "well," he says, "go ahead." He tells me.

I step forward and give archer a quick kiss on the lips, "I'm sorry baby." I tell him.

He nods his head with a sympathetic smile and tears reaching the brims of his eyes, "it's okay honey, it's okay. I love you." He says shakily.

"Alright, times up!" Negan bellows, "let's get on with it." He says.

I step back and look at the red hot iron. I shake my head and force my hand up inches from his face.

"Any day now sweetheart." He says.

I start shaking and tears stream down my face and I start to sob uncontrollably. I hold the iron there for a minute before archer looks at me with his bright blue eyes.

"It's okay baby, just do it. It's okay." He says.

I drop the iron and fall to my knees with my head in my hands. I shake my head as the tears come rolling down my face. My body trembles as I struggle to compose myself, "I can't, I can't do it." I say keeping my eyes shut.

Negan kneels down beside me, "I'm sorry, I didn't quite hear that, you're gonna have to speak up." He says.

"I'm sorry." I tell him, "but I can't do this, not to him." I say trembling.

"So...who are you?" He asks me.

I catch my breath before answering, "I'm Negan."

He sits there for a moment before standing up, "take the dog back to his kennel, everyone else is dismissed!" He says.

Archer is taken away and everyone else filed out, except Negan.

"Don't you dare come back without results. Is that understood?" He asks.

I nod and he walks away, leaving me by myself. It takes a few minutes to compose myself, but in the end, I end up thinking the same thing I've been telling myself for weeks, We need to get out of here, and soon.


	5. I Am Not Negan: Chapter 5

**(Flashback)**

I wake up in my room to a bone chilling nightmare. I sit up and take a few breaths before finally standing up and going to my refrigerator. I grab a beer from it and sit down on my couch to watch an old VHS movie. I press the rewind button and wait for the movie to restart. As I wait, I hear a knock at my door.

"What?!" I say in a harsh tone.

The door opens and familiar footsteps enter the room.

"Now that's no way to treat an old friend now is it?" Negan asks.

I don't answer him but take a sip of my beer instead.

I see him come over to my living room and sit down in the space beside me.

"Damn, how many times are you gonna watch The Lion King?" He asks with a scoff.

"It's a good fuckin' movie okay." I tell him.

He laughs, "You know that movie came out over 20 years ago right?"

"And your point is?"

"Forget it." He says. "Look, I got a problem and I need you to fix it." He says.

"Oh yeah? And what is it?" I ask sipping my beer again.

"Some new fuckers took out one of our outposts. I want you to find them, and kill em'." He tells me.

"Where?"

"Primo says they're still at the satellight outpost." Negan says.

"He the only one left? Damn." I say. Those guys were a bad group. But there were a lot. Shit like that takes a lot of firepower, something that alexandria has.

 _What the fuck were they thinking?_

"Well go find them. It didn't get in until a few minutes ago so if you hurry, you can catch em' by dawn." He says.

"Alright boss." I say going to put my gear on.

"Oh and take Paula, Michelle, Molly and Donnie. They can help. And let Paula handle the talking, I think she can handle it." He says.

I scoff, "That's the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard." I tell him.

"Okay, maybe they aren't so smart, but at least they'll have your back." He says.

"Fine. But if Donnie is gonna be a dumbass then i'll kill em' myself. I ain't gonna die because that dumbass decided to whine about shit." I say putting my uniform on.

He laughs and walks to the door, "And this time, I want results. Or else archers pretty little face is gonna get burned off. Understood?" He says.

"Loud and clear." I tell him.

"Smartass." He says and walks out.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

"Lower the gun, prick. You, with the colt python. All of you, lower your weapons now." Paula demands.

It's Rick and the others.

I hold Maggie and Carol hostage as paula uses them as bait. I can tell Maggie is pissed at me. I'm not saying i'm surprised though, I'm pissed at me too. I look at her for a split second with sympathy but then quickly return to cold and heartless before the others notice.

 _"Come on out. Let's talk."_ I hear Rick answer.

"How many we got?" Molly asks.

"Eight in sight." Paula answers.

"Too many."

"No, we can take em'. We've taken more." Paula counters.

 _More like I've taken more._

"We're not coming out, but we'll talk." Paula answers rick. "Names." She orders at Maggie and Carol.

They don't answer.

"Names!" Paula demands.

"I'm Maggie and that's Carol." Maggie answers.

She turns back to the radio, "we've got a Maggie and Carol, I think that's something you wanna chat about. Now we're gonna work this out right now, and it's going to go our way." Paula says in her 'menacing' way.

 _"You can see we have one of yours, we can trade."_ Rick says.

"Alright, i'm listening." Paula says.

 _"First I want to talk to Maggie and carol, make sure they're alright."_ Rick negotiates.

We hear a walker coming towards us but we all ignore it.

"Give me the radio." I say to Paula.

"No." She says.

I chuckle and put my hand on my machete, "you wanna rethink that decision?" I asks her getting in her face, not taking my eyes off of her.

She gives in and hands me the radio.

I walk back over to Maggie and Carol and look them in the eyes.

"Keep it simple." I say giving them a look, telling them not to say too much.

They nod understanding my hidden meaning and take the radio.

Paula comes over to supervise like a bitch.

"Rick, this is Carol, i'm fine but-"

Carol doesn't get to finish her sentence before paula scoffs and rips it out of her hands and gives it to Maggie.

"Rick, it's Maggie, we're both okay. We'll figure thi-"

"Shut up." Paula says ripping it out of Maggie's hands.

I stare at her with all the hatred in the world before she rolls her eyes and walks off.

"You have your proof. Let's talk." Paula demands.

I walk over beside her,

 _"this is the deal right here. Let em' go, you can have your guy back and live."_ Rick says.

"That's not much of a trade." Paula says.

 _"You don't have another choice, that's why you haven't done anything else about it."_ Rick counters.

Then Donnie speaks up, "we need him back."

"Primo can take care of himself." Paula argues.

"He can patch me up, I need him thanks to that bitch." He says giving carol a dirty look. "You've lost your balls Paula, you should have shot her in the head, so they could hear her die." He says with a smile.

"Donnie, you want me to end your life right here, right now?" I ask him.

He shuts his mouth and looks to the ground.

"Prick." I say.

 _"Look, I know you're thinking it over. Make the deal, it's a fair trade."_ Rick says.

"Smug prick. He must think we're stupid." Molly says.

"That's a good thing." Paula says.

 _"Do we have a deal?"_ Rick persists.

The walkers have caught up to us now.

"I'll get back to you." She says to him.

She turns to Maggie and Carol, "move!" She says as Michelle and Molly put bags over their heads.

I urge them to move ahead while I guide Maggie and Carol.

"Why are you with them?" Maggie asks furiously.

"Because I have no choice." I tell her.

"Oh, but your brother did?" She asks me.

"It's a long story. There's no time. I'll get you guys out of this, but just trust me okay?" I tell them.

They both say yes and I continue to guide them to the car.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

We get to the safe house and it looks like no one has kept up with it in a while. We bring everyone inside and set Maggie and Carol down in a small room.

We hear gunfire from Michelle in the hallway, fighting off walkers who have taken residence here.

"Paula! I need back up!" She yells.

Paula rolls her eyes and heads for the door.

"I want to kill you both now, it's taking everything in my power not to, so go ahead and try something. I dare you." She says as she runs out the room.

"Fuckin' bitch." I mumble to myself.

Carol and maggie exchange looks before Carol starts to hyperventilate. Maggie looks confused before

they come back after a few minutes of fighting walkers.

"When's the last time someone checked this place?" Paula asks.

"About a month ago." I tell them.

"Well sweetie, that was a month ago." Molly says, "the foods gone bye-bye, the guns have gone bye-bye, and we got growlers up and down the halls." She says as Carol hyperventilates.

"Means people could get in here too. Maybe we should leave." Donnie suggests.

I can see Maggie start to worry about Carol and so do I.

"Carol!" Maggie yells muffled by the rag in her mouth.

"Yeah? Where the hell to? We got dead in the halls, free security. Those assholes get here before out people do? Those cold bloods will buy us some time." Michelle says.

Carol continues to pant, "shut up." Paula demands.

"Jesus it's bleeding," Donnie whines, "it's not supposed to be bleeding."

"Molly, give me some rope." I say.

I begin to tie it around his arm to stop the bloodflow.

"I'm not loosing it, i'm not." He says.

"Shut up and stop being a bitch. You'll be fine." I tell him.

"Shut up sam! You think you know everything but you don't! We need to get him back. He can fix it!" He yells at me.

"I'm sorry, did you just raise your voice to your superior?" I ask him getting in his face.

He says nothing.

I flick him in his wound and he groans in pain.

I walk over to the wall and lean against it.

"We have to get him back." Donnie pushes again, but this time to Paula.

"No."

"They took that place down. They got guns. They'll kill us too." He persists.

"Hey!" Maggie yells in a muffled tone.

Paula rips her gag out of her mouth.

"What?" Paula says.

"She's hyperventilating. Someone needs to take her gag off." She says looking at carol.

I walk over to her and she winces away from me, seeming frightened by me almost. I kneel down next to her and gently remove her gag. She takes a few deep breaths while I rub her arm in a comforting way.

"We won't hurt you. Okay?" I tell her.

She digs in her pocket for something and I help her retrieve it. It's a necklace with Jesus mounted on a cross. I hand it to her and she starts to calm down.

"She's a nervous little bird ain't she." Molly remarks.

"Look at you." Donnie says, "Bitch, how did you make it this far?" He asks.

"Honey, you need to take some yoga breaths and calm your ass down." Molly says.

"I-I can't-" Carol says bringing the necklace up to her lips.

I sit with her and reassure her by keeping my hand on her shoulder, trying to calm her down.

"Oh, you're one of those." Molly says.

"Hey, shut the fuck up. Just leave the poor woman alone." I tell her.

"Oh, so now your goin' soft now are ya? What'll Negan say to that?" She asks.

"I ain't gonna go soft on you if you don't shut the fuck up." I tell her standing up.

"Are you serious?" Michelle asks, "you know who these people are right?" She asks.

"Yea, but she doesn't want any part of it and unlike y'all, I know when to stop." I tell her.

"You know, why don't you go outside. Take a breather, I'm sure once you get some fresh air then you'll come to your senses about our situation." Paula tells me.

"Fuck you guys." I say walking to the door, "and just to clear things up, I'm walking outside because I want to, not because you guys want me to." I say and then walk outside.

On the way, I take out a few wandering walkers but pose not too much of a challenge to me.

I hear something about the scout crew being thirty minutes out over the radio. Paula answers back and I decide to take a big risk and get on Rick's line, not knowing who else is listening in.

"Rick, do you copy? It's Sam." I say.

I hear static for a moment before he answers.

 _"Yea, we hear ya, loud and clear."_

"Look, we don't have much time. We're at a-"

 _"We know where y'all are. Just tell us what happened to Maggie and Carol."_ He demands.

"A small group has them. It consists of four people. They want to kill them, probably y'all too. But they can't until a back up group comes to pick them up and cover their asses." I tell him.

 _"So how do we do this?"_ He asks.

"We're going to have to go in there and kill em'." I say.

 _"And how can we trust you?"_ He asks.

"You can't. You have every reason not to. But I'm your only shot." I say.

I hear static for a moment before he says something.

 _"Okay. Turn to your left ninety degrees and walk straight forward. We'll be waiting to hear your plan."_ He says.

I nod, knowing they can see me and turn in the direction they told me and head for the tree line.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

We wait at the edge of the tree line. We wait for the scout group to arrive and go inside before heading inside ourselves. Rick and the group were pissed to find out i'm one of them, but they trust me enough to accept my help.

Once the scout group is inside, we make a break for the entrance. We hear gunshots and screams and I hope and pray that it isn't either Maggie or Carol.

Finally, once we open the doors and lug Primo inside with us, we hear a strange sound and male screams coming from inside. Then, Maggie and Carol open the door and have blood and sweat covering their bodies.

"Maggie." Glenn says and runs to her and embraces her.

Daryl does the same with Carol and they all reassure them that they're okay and that the group is dead.

Rick turns to Primo, "your friends are dead. No one's coming for ya so you might as well talk."

"Let em' burn." Daryl says.

"I'm gonna ask you one more time, how'd you get the bike." Rick asks.

"We found it." Primo answers.

"Like hell you did." Daryl says.

"We found it." Primo says again.

"Was Negan in that building last night or was he here?" Rick asks.

"Both. I'm Negan shithead." Primo says.

I raise my gun and put a bullet in his brain without hesitation.

"I always hated the bullshit that came out of his mouth." I say then spit on the ground next to his dead body.

"So it wasn't him?" Glenn asks.

I chuckle still looking at his body.

"Y'all better get ready, because your world is about to go to hell."


	6. I Am Not Negan: Chapter 6

I'm tied up and am in the back of a car with Rick and his group. They still don't trust me at all. I understand though, I wouldn't either. I've done things that no one should ever forgive me for. I should be dead. I don't know why i'm not. Last night, seeing how scared everyone was for each others lives and seeing how much they care for each other, it made me hate myself for who I've become. I've become a killer, when I should be helping people.

Once we enter Alexandria, they unload me and place me in the same room I was in on my first visit. It takes a few hours before Rick retrieves me and brings me to a church for an apparent meeting.

"As some of you may know, this is Sam. She came with Jesus and helped us discover the Hilltop." Rick announces. "But she's a Savior."

I hear and see people begin to get upset and talk with one another.

"Now as I hear it from Maggie and Carol, she is a big asset and ally to Negan. However, she did help us defeat Maggie and Carol's captors." Rick says. "So I'll let you decide. What should we do with her." He asks.

"What has she done to hurt us?" A man with a staff says.

"Aiding the enemy." A man named Abraham says.

"But other than that." The man asks.

"What more is there to say Morgan? She is the enemy. She'll just end up turning on us." A girl named Rosita counters.

"But she hasn't." Morgan persists. He turns to Rick, "you said that she was with Maggie and Carol's captors right?" He asks.

"Yes." He answers.

"Well did she do anything to harm them in any way?" He asks.

"No." Maggie says. "She did everything she could to help us. She even met with Rick and the others to get us out." She says.

"Then it's obvious she wants to help." He says. "At least let her explain herself." He says.

"Okay." Rick says. He turns to me, "go ahead."

I nod, "they aren't wrong." I say looking to Abraham, "I'm close to Negan. In fact we've been together since he beginning. Everything was fine until people looked to him. He turned into something I know he isn't, but that never stopped him from doing the same to me." I say. I take a deep breath and look around the room, "I'm his mercenary. I kill for him." I say.

People begin to talk around the room.

"But it's not me." I say above everyone as they quiet down.

"It isn't. He has my husband, Archer. He threatens to hurt him if I don't show results. So I do as he says. But it doesn't mean that I want to." I explain, "you see, for a while, it just became a normal thing. I never thought about how wrong it was until I saw your community and how close y'all are. It made me want to protect you. So I watched you for a long while and kept y'all hidden as long as I could. Sadly, y'all discovered the rest of the world again. But I've done everything in my power to help y'all. I don't want to be with Negan." I say.

"We'll put it to a vote." Rick says. "Everyone who thinks she is worthy of staying raise your hand."

Slowly, most everyone raises their hand.

"Alright, she stays." He says.

Rosita gets up quickly and storms out of the room. After her follows everyone else.

Rick walks over to me and cuts away my restraints, "welcome to Alexandria."

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

I walk around in the streets trying to find my designated house. I was told a number, but I've never been good with numbers.

I see a man named Aaron walk out of his house and over to me.

"Need some help?" He asks.

"Yea. I have no clue about where my house is." I tell him.

"Don't worry. I know where you're headed." He says and walks me to my house.

It's more of an apartment. It's connected to a few other houses and is made of brick.

"Well, here you are." He says.

"Thanks." I say.

"Do you need help settling in?" He asks me.

"Oh, I don't have anything to move in with me. All of my belongings are with Negan." I tell him.

"Oh. I'm sorry." He says looking to the ground.

"It's fine. I actually do have a few things in my utility belt." I tell him.

"Oh yea?" He says.

"Yea, once I had no use for the pepper spray I had room for other things, pictures, stuff like that." I tell him.

"May I see?" He asks.

I take a deep breath and nod my head.

I take out my stack of pictures and start with my family's portrait.

"There's my family." I say.

He looks at the picture of me, Paul, and our mother.

"No father?" He asks.

I shake my head, "we were born by two different fathers. Mine was a piece of shit but his was amazing from what I hear. He was killed in action overseas." I tell him.

He nods.

Then I show him a picture of me and Archer on the front lawn of our first house.

"Cute." He says smiling.

"Yea, it was our first. It was on my grandparents property down in southwest Virginia. They owned a horse farm. We had a beautiful view of the mountains. It's a shame we had to leave." I say.

He nods, "It's a beautiful house." He says.

I nod.

Then I pull out my last one. It's a sonogram of our first child.

Once he see's it he looks to me in concern.

I, however, look to the picture with admiration.

"It was our first." I say distantly.

"Did you loose it after?" He asks.

"No." I say, "I had been feeling bad for a few weeks and got suspicious, so before I went on the road one day, I took a test. It came back positive." I say.

"I told Archer that night and he was so excited. I've never seen him so happy. The next week we went to the doctor and saw our baby. That's when we got this picture." I say tearing up. "Then, one day, a crazy guy attacks my partner at a traffic stop. He got out a shotgun and killed my partner. Then, he shot me as I was calling for back up. Luckily, I shot him before he could finish me, but sadly, my vest didn't cover my baby, and I lost it." I say.

"They didn't take you out of service?" He asks.

"I didn't tell them. I thought I could hold out a little longer, but I guess not." I tell him wiping my tears.

"My baby died because I was stubborn and wouldn't leave. It's my fault." I tell him.

"I'm so sorry." He says and hugs me.

I let him comfort me, but I don't let it last too long. I can't look weak.

I pull away and wipe my face. I place my pictures back in my belt and take a deep breath.

"Anyways." I say, "that's in the past. It won't help with anything now." I say.

"But it still matters." He says, "if you need to talk, I'm a few doors down." He says.

I nod and thank him.

He begins to walk away but then turns to me again, "oh, and I'll see about getting you some picture frames." He says with a smirk.

I smile, "thank you." I say.

He nods and goes on his way.

I head inside and begin to familiarize myself with my new home.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

I hear someone yelling outside and run to see what's wrong.

"Please don't be Negan." I say to myself.

Instead I'm met with daryl carrying a dead Denise in his arms. He hands her off to Rick and comes over to me looking pissed off.

"What are you doin' here? You're one of em'." He says with hatred in his tone.

"She's one of us now." Rick says.

"Oh yea?" He says looking to Rick, "well they, did this!" He yells pointing to Denise. "You know em'?!" He asks.

"Who?" I ask.

"Dwight!" Ye yells getting in my face.

Rick walks over to Daryl and pushes him away, "Not now." He tells him, "we have other problems right now."

Daryl nods and takes Denise, who is now in Glenn's arms, from him.

He walks to a corner of Alexandria covered by trees to which I assume their dead is buried.

I look to Rick, "i'm sorry." I say.

He shakes his head, "things will be rough for ya for a while. But they'll get better." He says putting his hand on my shoulder.

I nod and he walks to their infirmary to check on the others. I take a deep breath and walk to my house and sit on my steps, not wanting to disturb anyone.

Then, a while later, a young boy walks up to me.

"Did you know him?" He asks.

"Know who?" I ask.

"The guys who killed Denise." He says.

I sigh and look to the ground in shame, "yes, I did. But not personally. I've heard of the things he's done. He isn't as bad as me, but he's getting there I guess." I tell him, "I guess Negan thought I died and got him as a replacement." I say with a chuckle.

I look up at him and he is giving me a death glare with his one eye.

"I'm not proud of what I am." I tell him. "I'm a killer, but that's not what I want to be. I wanted to be a good cop. The one that would die for my country's people. But, I guess my fate changed dramatically." I tell him and look to the ground.

"Whatever." He says, "I was hoping that you could help." He says shaking his head and walking away.

"With what?" I ask him.

"Daryl is leaving to hunt him down, and Carol's gone missing." He says.

My eyes go wide in surprise.

"It's not like you care though." He says walking away.

I get up fast and follow him to the front gate. Daryl speeds off on his motorcycle as people call after him. I run over to a car as do Michonne, Glenn, and Rosita.

"What are you doing?" Michonne asks.

"I'm coming with you." I tell them.

"No you're not." Rosita tells me.

"I'm your best chance of tracking Daryl and helping him kill Dwight." I tell them.

"Oh really?" She says not believing me.

"Yes. You forget that this is what Negan made me do for a living." I tell her.

"Look we don't have time for this." Glenn says, "let's just go." He says.

We get in a car and follow after him.


	7. I Am Not Negan: Chapter 7

We arrive at a downed tree in the road and get out of the car to walk the rest of the way. Rosita takes us to the place where Denise was killed by Dwight. I see some people I knew on the ground dead. I shake my head and spit on the ground in their direction. I look over to Rosita and she's looking at a bloody patch on the ground.

"This is where she died." She says.

"All right, so he had to start from here." Glenn says.

"He did." Rosita says.

"Which way did Dwight go?" I ask her.

She continues to stare.

"Rosita." I persist.

"We should let him do this." She says.

"But he doesn't know what he's doing." Michonne says.

"We don't." She argues.

"Maybe him trying this makes you feel better about now." Glenn adds.

"Maybe they keep knowing more about is than we know about them." She says looking hatefully to me.

I look away from her, trying not to show her it bothers me.

"Or maybe Daryl's gonna' get himself killed." Michonne says.

"Which way did Dwight go?" I ask again in annoyance of their arguing.

She points and I lead the way trying to find his trail.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

We hear rustling and find a walker coming towards us. An arrow splits through it's skull, almost dangerously close to us.

"Watch the hell out asshole!" Rosita yells to Daryl ahead of her.

"I did. Y'all shouldn't have come." He tells us retrieving his arrow and walking away.

"You shouldn't have left." Michonne says.

He stops and turns towards us, "when I split off from Sasha and Abraham, he was out there in the woods, in the burnt-out forest with them girls, put a gun to my head, tied me up." He tells us, "I even tried to help him." He says.

"I remember goin' after him. Couldn't ever find him. Guess they did eventually." I say.

"I wish you would've. Then they'd be dead and Denise wouldn't be." He tells me.

"So you think this is your fault?" Glenn says.

"Yea, I know it is." He says turning away and continuing, "I'm gonna go do what I should've before." He says determined.

"What for her? She's gone man. Man you're doin' this for you." Glenn says frustratedly.

"Man, I don't give a shit." He says as he still walks.

"Daryl, we need to get back there and figure this out from home, our home." Michonne says trying to persuade him.

"We need you, and everyone back there needs you too." She says.

"It's gonna go wrong out there." I say, "you have no idea what you're getting into." I say.

"We'll square it, I will, I promise." Glenn says, "just comeback." He says.

"I can't." Daryl says.

"Daryl-"

"Man I can't!" Daryl yells.

"I can't either." Rosita says and walks off with Daryl.

I shake my head and we walk off in another direction to find Dwight.

After a few minutes, Glenn falls back and walks along side me.

"So you were really going to kill him?" He asked.

"It's not like I wanted to, believe it or not, Dwight is actually a pretty okay guy from what I hear. But I know that he wasn't very trustworthy to anyone but his wife and her sister." I say. "Maybe I should have tried harder to find him. Maybe if I did then an innocent woman wouldn't be dead." I say looking to the ground.

"Well, it isn't your fault either." He says.

"How is it not?" I ask him looking at me.

He stops and shakes his head, "I don't know, but see, the thing is, they could be back at Alexandria right now." He says.

"If they are, then we're on a wild goose chase for their ghosts, and then everyone back in Alexandria is dead." I say.

"I hope not." Michonne says.

"We need Dwight and them alive." I say, "we need more information on how they found y'all. Most people back at sanctuary don't know about Alexandria much less how to get there." I say.

"Yeah, we do." Michonne agrees.

"We got lucky." Glenn says.

"We figured it all out together." Michonne says.

"Yeah, but after everything we did, the world isn't like we thought it was." He says, "The Saviors, The Hilltop, it's bigger." He finishes.

Then, the whistles come, rifles cock, and I automatically know what's going on.

"Ah shit." I say.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

We sit in the back of a van covered in holes. Daryl was captured a while ago along with Rosita. His shoulder had been shot, presumably by Dwight.

I await my imminent death, as I know that's what will happen. There is no way the Negan will let me off. But I would rather me die than someone from Alexandria. So I tell myself that I accept my fate and don't shed a tear for my death.

I can hear Simon talking from outside of the van. Then, he yells for Dwight.

"Dwight!" He yells.

"Yea?"

"Chop-chop!" He yells.

Dwight opens the van's doors and smiles, "c'mon, y'all got people to meet."

He yanks us out one by one, glenn being the last.

We all take a look around at where we are and see that the others are on there knees in a semi-circle.

In front of us is the R.V. That was parked at Alexandria.

 _Did they capture them at Alexandria?_ I ask myself.

Then, Glenn looks over and sees Maggie.

"Maggie?" He says surprised.

I look over at her and she looks like hell. I didn't get a chance to talk to her very much but I found out enough to know that she's pregnant, which makes me even more concerned for her health.

"All right! We got a full boat!" Simon says, "well, let's meet the man!" He says.

He knocks on the door and out comes Negan, looking like the smug bastard that he is.

"Pissin' our pants yet? Boy, do I have a feelin' that we're gettin' close." He says smiling with lucille on his shoulder. "Yup, it's gonna be pee pee pants city here real soon." He says.

I scoff. "Prick." I say.

"Sam!" He yells, "boy how i've missed ya." He says jokingly.

"Sure you did." I say sarcastically.

He chuckles, "and as always, your personality. God, sometimes I love you, even when I should dome your head in." He says.

 _Maybe you should._ I think to myself.

He chuckles again, "now, which one of you pricks is the leader." He asks.

"It's this one, right here." Simon tells him.

He turns to Rick, "Hi, you're Rick right? I'm Negan." He says, "and I do not appriciate you killin' my men. Also, when I sent my people to kill your people for killin' my people, you killed more of my people." He says.

"Not cool, _not_ cool. You don't realize how uncool that shit is." He says, "but I think you're going to be up to speed shortly." He tells them.

 _Fuck._ I think to myself.

"Yeah, you are so gonna regret crossing me in a few minutes. Yes you are." He says too cheerfully.

"You see Rick, whatever you do, no matter what, you don't mess with the new world order and the new world order is this and it's really very simple. So, even if you're stupid, which you very well may be, _you_ can understand it. You ready? Here it goes, pay attention." He says as he walks back and fourth until he gets to rick.

He leans down to speak, "Give me your shit, or I will kill you." He says then smiles and stands.

"Today was career day, we invested a lot so you would know who I am and what I can do." He says walking around again.

"You work for me now. You have shit, you give it to me. That's your job. _Now I know that's a mighty big, nasty pill to swallow,_ but swallow, you most certainly will." He says.

"You ruled the roost, you built something, you thought you were safe, I get it." He says, "but the word is out," he says looking to me with a smile, "you are not safe. Not even close." He says not breaking eye contact with me.

I know his meaning, and I know torture is coming my way.

He looks and walks away, "in fact, you are pegged, more pegged if you don't do what I want and what I want, is half your shit. And if that's too much then you can make, steal, or find more, and it'll even out eventually."

"This is your way of life now, this is how it's going to be. So if someone comes and knocks on your door," he chuckles, "you let them in. We own that door. You try and stop us and we will knock it down. You understand?" He asks.

No one says anything.

"No answer? You don't really think you're gonna get through this without being punished now do you?" He asks like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"I don't wanna kill you people, I just wanna make it clear from the get-go. I want you to work for me. _You can't do that,_ if you're dead now can you?" He says.

"I'm not growing a garden, but you killed my people, a whole _damn_ lot of them. More than I'm comfortable with. So for that, _for that,_ you're gonna have to pay." He says looking around.

"So now, I'm gonna beat the holy hell out of one of you." He says with a smirk, "This- this is lucille. And she. Is. _Awesome_!" He says showing it to Rick.

"All this- _all_ this is to see which one of you gets the honor." He says too happily.

He walks around and looks at everyone and stops at Abraham. Abraham straightens up and looks him dead in the eyes.

He inhales sharply, " huh, I gotta shave this shit." He says running a hand over his beard.

He walks back over and kneels down in front of carl. Carl gives him a glare and doesn't break it.

"You got one of our guns." Negan says looking at the gun, "woah, yea, you got a lot of our guns." He says.

"Shit kid, lighten up. At least cry a little." Negan says.

Carl keeps glaring at him and Negan chuckles and walks off.

He keeps walking up the line and stops at Maggie, who is, at this point, just trying to keep herself upright.

" _Je-sus_. You look _shitty_." He says.

I look over at glenn and he is in pure agony having to see her like this.

"I should just put you out of your misery right now." He says and brings Lucille up to swing.

"No!" Glenn yells and tries to run towards her.

Dwight runs up and grabs him.

"Nope! Nope, get him back in line." Negan commands.

Dwight takes him back to his place and glenn yells in frustration, "Don't." He pleads with tears rolling down his face.

Negan chuckles, "all right, listen. Don't any of you do that again. I will shut that shit down, _no_ exceptions." He says. "First one's free, it's an emotional moment, I get it."

He turns to Rick, "sucks don't it? The moment you realize you don't know shit about shit." He says.

He looks over at Carl and then back at Rick, "this is your kid right?" He asks, "yea, this is definitely your kid!" He says.

"Just stop this!" Yells Rick.

"Hey!" Negan yells, "do not make me kill the future serial killer, do not make this easy on me!" He yells at Rick, "I gotta pick someone, everyone's at the dinner table waiting for me to order." He says.

As he walks down the line, he does the signature savior whistle as he tries to pick his target.

 _If you're smart, then you'll pick me._ I think to myself.

He laughs, "I simply cannot decide." Then look around as if he's had a revelation, "I got an idea."

He walks to Rick and points lucille at him.

"Eeny."

He walks to another person down the line and points, "meeny."

Then continues, "miney."

"Moe."

"Catch."

"The tiger."

"By."

"It's toe."

"If he hollers."

"Let em' go."

He stops and smiles, "my mother."

"Told me."

"To pick."

"The very."

"Best."

"One."

"And."

"You."

"Are."

"It. Anybody moves, Anybody says anything then cut the other boys eye out and feed it to his father _and then we'll start._ You can breathe, you can blink, you can cry. Hell, you'll all be doing that." He says.

Then, he brings down lucille.


	8. I Am Not Negan: Chapter 8

Blood, something I've seen multiple times before. In all reality, I shouldn't be so surprised by this grisly sight before me. I mean, I could see it from miles away. However, whenever I close my eyes, I see it happen all over again. The screams, the crying, the blood. it's all over me. It's covering my face, it's on my hands, it's in my eyes, taunting me of what has just played out before me. 

Innocent people died here today, and it's all my fault. Anger courses through my veins. I wanted it to be me. Why did it have to be them? I want to get up and snap Negan's neck right now. However, we are out numbered. But I make a promise to myself to make sure he dies a slow, painful death. 

"What? Was the joke that bad?" Negan asks out of breath.

"I'm gonna kill you." Rick says in a low, furious tone.

Negan turns to him in disbelief, "What? I didn't quite catch that. You're gonna have to speak up." Negan says kneeling down in front of Rick.

Rick looks down and sniffles before he looks Negan dead in the eyes, "Not today...Not tomorrow...but I'm gonna kill you."

Negan smiles, "Jesus." he says then chuckles, "Simon, what'd he have? a knife?" Negan asks.

"Uh, he had a hatchet." Simon answers.

Negan looks at him in disbelief, "A hatchet?"

"he had an ax." Simon confirms.

Negan laughs, "Simon's my right hand man." he says throwing me a look before looking back at Rick, "It's important to have one of those. I mean, what do you have left without em'? A whole lot of work. Do you have one of those?" he asks Rick. 

Rick gives him a look of pure hatred.

"Oh, or did I..." he asks making a clicking noise and swinging his bat, "Sure, yeah."

He stands up and looks at Simon, "give me his ax." he commands. 

Simon tosses it to him and he grabs Rick by the back of his shirt and drags him to the R.V.

"I'll be right back. Maybe Rick will be with me. And if not, well, we can just turn these people inside out now can't we? " he throws Rick into the R.V., "I mean, the ones who are left." he says as he closes the door.

VVVVVVVVVVVVV

"...it. Anybody moves, anybody says anything cut the other boy's eye out and feed it to his father and then we'll start. You can breathe, you can blink, you can cry. Hell, you'll all be doing that." He says bringing Lucille down upon Abraham.

Abraham sits back up and looks at Negan.

"Oh! Look at that! Takin' it like a champ!" Negan yells.

Abraham looks at him furiously, "Suck...My...Nuts."

Negan brings Lucille down once more, then laughs, "Did you hear that? he said 'Suck my nuts.' " he says laughing and bringing his bat down once again.

He repeats this several times, slinging blood all over my face and body in the process. I don't cry, but my fists clench and I have to hold myself back from attacking him right now. I want to tear him limb from limb. I want to scoop his eyeballs out with a spoon and watch him die. I want him to suffer. 

"Oh my goodness! Look at this!" he says swinging his bat in Rick's direction, slinging blood on him.

"You guys! Look at my dirty girl!" he yells then shoves it in Rosita's face, "sweetheart... take a look." he says.

Tears fall from her eyes as she looks away.

"oh damn, were you.. were you together? That sucks. But if you were, you should know there was a reason for all this. Red, and hell, he was, is and always will be red. He just took one or six or seven for the team!" he yells, "So take a _damn_ look!" he demands and shoves it in her face.

 _That's it._

I stand up and deck em' right in the face and keep lunging at him before Dwight throws me on the ground and points Daryl's crossbow at my face. I struggle against his grip when I see Daryl get up and tries to throw Dwight off of me. This time, a few others rush over and pins a struggling Daryl on the ground just as me.

"No!" I hear Negan scream, "That? Oh, my! That, is a No-no. The whole thing, not one bit of that shit flies here." he says.

I struggle against Dwight trying to get to Negan again before he puts his foot o my head which prevents me from getting anywhere, "You want me to do it?" Dwight asks, "right here."

"No, not you don't kill them. Not till' you try a little." Negan answers.

"And anyway, that's not how it works. Now, I already told you people, first one's free, then what'd I say? I said I would shut that shit down! No exceptions." he says with a smile on his face, "Now I don't know what kind of lyin' assholes you've been dealin' with, but I'm a man of my word. I need you to know me." he says.

"So...back to it." he says, then turns to Glenn and brings his bat down on him.

Shock is the first emotion that comes over me. Dwight still pins me to the ground and a few people have to pin Daryl down in front of me, however, they all have to struggle to keep us down once this happens.

Maggie screams behind us, and Glenn is unrecognizable. I close my eyes, not wanting to remember him like this.

"Buddy, you still there? I just don't know." I hear Negan say.

Glenn struggles to speak.

"It seems like you're trying to speak, but you just took one hell of a hit. I just popped your skull so hard, your eyeball popped out! That's gross as shit!" Negan says.

"Maggie." Glenn sputters, "I'll find you." he says.

Maggie continues to scream Glenn's name behind us and cry in sorrow.

"Oh. Oh hell. I can see that it's hard on you guys. I am sorry. I truly am. But I did say it. No exceptions!" he yells before I hear him continue to beat him to death. I open my eyes but don't look. I still struggle to get away from Dwight when I see the others drag a defeated Daryl back to his spot. He is shocked and is crying. He has stopped fighting completely in realization at what has just happened. 

However, I continue to fight. Dwight drags me away from the sight and takes me behind the group. He throws me to the ground in front of him and starts to beat on me. He kicks and hits me over and over until there isn't any fight left in me. 

I lay on the ground, blood dripping from new cuts on my body, and my body aches from the bruises, but not nearly as much as knowing what I've just done. He picks me up and throws me back in my spot in line. by the time he has, Negan is finished with Glenn. It takes me a minute before I can sit back up, but my feelings haven't changed. If anything, they've strengthened. I'm gonna kill em' all.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Negan comes back after what seems like hours of us waiting for them to return. He brings Rick out with him and throws him to the ground. 

"Here we are. Let me ask you something Rick. Do you even know what that little trip was about?" he asks him.

Rick looks at the ground and doesn't answer him.

"Speak when you're spoken to." Negan demands.

"okay. okay." Rick says breathing heavily.

"That trip was about the way you looked at me. I wanted to change that. I wanted you to understand that. But you're still looking at me the same damn way...like I shit in your scrambled eggs, and that's not gonna work. So...do I give you another chance?" he asks Rick.

Rick nods his head, "yes, yes." he says breathing heavily. 

"okay," Negan says chuckling, "all right. and here it is, the grand-prize game. What you do next will decide whether your crap day becomes everyone's last crap day or just another crap day. Get some guns to the back of their heads." Negan orders.

I feel the barrel of a gun graze the back of my head and I look to the owner to give him a glare, however, I'm met with a burned faced man that I know. 

Archer. 

My eyes widen at both the state he is in, and the fact that he is actually listening to Negan now. Rage and pity rushes through me and a tear escapes me. I look back at Negan and he has a grin from ear to ear at the sight of my face.

"You fucking prick." I say under my breath, careful not to get someone else killed.

"Good, now...level with their noses, so if you have to fire, it'll be a real mess." he says.

He looks at Carl, "Kid, right here." he says pointing in front of him.

Carl does as he says and walks over to Negan and stands beside him, "Kid...Now, you a southpaw?" he asks Carl.

"Am I a what?" Carl asks not understanding.

"you a lefty?" Negan asks.

"No." Carl answers.

"good."

Negan takes his belt off and wraps it around Carl's arm and tightens it.

"That hurt?" he asks Carl.

"No." Carl says.

"Should, it's supposed to." Negan says, "all right, get down on the ground kid, next to Daddy." Negan orders, "spread them wings!" Negan says.

Carl does as he says and gets on the ground.

"Simon! You got a pen?" Negan asks.

"Yea." Simon answers and hands him a permanent marker.

"Sorry kid, this is gonna be as cold as a warlocks ballsack, just like he was hanging his ballsack above you and dragging it across the forearm." he says drawing a line across his arm.

"There you go. Gives you a little leverage." Negan says.

"Please. Please. Please don't. Please don't." Rick pleads.

"Me?" Negan asks him as if he were stupid, "I ain't doin' shit. Rick, I want you to take your ax, cut your son's left arm off, right on that line." He tells him.

Rick's eyes widen and starts to breathe heavily.

"Now, I know, I know. You're gonna have to process that for a second. That makes sense. Still though, I'm gonna need you to do it, or all these people are gonna die." Negan says gesturing to us.

"You- You don't have to do this." Michonne says, "We understand, We understand." she says with tears rolling down her face and her expression showing fear.

"Yeah, I'm not sure Rick does. I'm gonna need a clean cut on that line." Negan says.

Rick starts to pant and begins to get scared for his son.

"Now I know it's a screwed up thing to ask, but it's gonna have to be like a salami slice. Nothing messy, clean, .45 degrees, give us something to fold over." he tells him.

Rick still looks around with fear.

"We got a great doctor. The kid'll be fine. Probably." Negan says.

Rick still pants as he talks.

"Rick, this needs to happen now, chop-chop, or I will crush this little fella's skull in myself." he says.

"It can- It can be me. It can be me." Rick says, "W-w." Rick stutters, "Y-you can do it to me. I c- I can go with- with you." Rick says.

"No. This is the only way. Rick...pick up the ax." Negan says as Rick starts to loose it, "Not making a decision is a big decision. You really want to see all these people die? You will. You will see every ugly thing." Negan says.

Rick doesn't do anything.

Negan groans, "Oh my god, are you gonna make me count? okay Rick. You win. I am counting." Negan says.

"Three!'

"Please!" Rick says as he gasps and starts to cry.

"It can be me!" Rick says.

"Two!" Negan yells.

"Please don't do-" he says as he loses it completely.

He starts to grab the ax realizing what he has to do. Rick screams in frustration bringing the ax up but hesitating.

"One!"

"Dad, just do it." Carl tells Rick, "Just do it." 

Right as Rick is about to bring the ax down, Negan kneels down beside him.

"Rick." he says stopping him, "You answer to me, You provide for me, you belong to me. Right?" he says.

Rick doesn't answer.

"Speak when you're spoken to!" Negan yells.

"You anser to me, you provide for me." Negan says.

"Provide for you." Rick repeats back to him hysterically.

"You belong to me, right?!" Negan asks demandingly.

"Right." Rick answers.

"That, is the look I wanted to see." Negan says smiling, "We did it, all of us together, even the dead guys on the ground. Hell, they get the spirit award for sure." he says sighing, "Today was a productive damn day! Now, I hope for all your sake, that you get it now, that you understand how things work. Things have changed. Whatever you had going for you, " he says chuckling, "That is over now." He says.

"Oh, Dwight, Archer, Load those two sorry sacks o' shit up." he says gesturing to me and Daryl.

Dwight takes Daryl off first, him putting up a fight, then Archer grabs me roughly and throws me in too. We are thrown in the back of the van we were hauled in, and a few minutes later, they drive away. I look over at Daryl, and he looks pissed. 

"I'm sorry. This is my fault." I tell him.

"It's just as much my fault as yours." he says, "We'll get em' though. We'll kill every last sum' bitch in this place if it's the last thing we do." he tells me.

I nod determined and we await whatever is to come.


	9. I Am Not Negan: Chapter 9

We arrive at Sanctuary and are separated immediately. I guess they're afraid we'll team up. I'm escorted down the familiar hallways to Negan's meeting room. They take my restraints off and shove me inside, to await Negan's return.

I sit down in one of the chairs to my right. I put my head in my hands ashamed of myself. I vowed to protect these people and I've failed them. Now two of their people are dead because I couldn't protect them. It's basically like I've killed them myself.

The door behind me opens and the man himself walks in.

"Sam! Just the person I wanted to see." he says.

he walks over to me and sits across from me. I glare at him the entire time.

"Now there she is! the badass that I've always known. I've domed two peoples heads in and still isn't afraid to give me that look." he says.

"Funny, you didn't tell Rick that." I say with venom in my speech.

"Oh come on now, that was just business. You and me go way back. I know you." he says.

"Sure." I says.

"Now, speaking of business, what was that shit earlier that you pulled?" he asks.

"oh? you mean the part where I busted you in the mouth?" I ask him being smug.

"Yea, that one." he says not looking amused, "you've seen the order I keep this place in. And now, you've completely fucked that up. How uncool is that shit? especially coming from you." he says.

"ha. I dunno, I thought it was pretty funny." I tell him.

"DO NOT give me that shit!" he says standing up and pointing his bat at me.

I push his bat out of my face gently, "Come on man, didn't your parents teach you that pointing is rude." I say with a smirk.

"oh, you think you're tough shit now huh?" He asks, "Archer!" He yells.

Almost immediately, Archer enters the room. He looks terrible. His face isn't as badly burned as Dwight's, you can see that once it fully heals, then it will almost be barely noticeable. However, my heart still breaks at the thought of him working for Negan now.

"Take this fine young lady to the cells." He says.

Archer nods reluctantly and grabs my arm and takes me to the cells.

He throws me in one of the rooms and locks me in.

VVVVVVVVVVVVV

I don't know how long I've been here for. I'm stripped naked and have been loosing weight exponentially. All they feed us is dog food. They won't even let us use a proper bathroom. Instead, they make us use it in our cells and pick cold days to hose us off.

I hear the lock to my door shift and the door open. Someone throws clothes inside, "put these on, Negan wants to see you." The man says.

I look down and see a dirty torn up outfit with an S spray painted on the front. I hurriedly put them on thankful to see and wear clothes again.

Once I put my clothes on, I'm escorted to Negan's room, which will be the first time in weeks that we have seen each other.

I am shoved into the room and the doors close behind me, leaving just me and Negan.

 _Perfect_ I think to myself.

"Damn, look at how you've changed." He says, "and definitely _not_ for the better." he says with a chuckle.

Before he can say another word however, I lunge for him, punching him in the face again. Luckily, this time, we are alone so it takes a minute before anyone can get in here.

I punch him over and over until a group of men barge in and throw me off of him and into the wall. They proceed to beat me until I am close to death.

By the end of it, I am bloody and battered, aching with every movement. They make me stand and face Negan, but continue to restrain me.

"How many _damn_ times do I got to tell you no?!" He yells before throwing a punch into my already bruised gut.

I buckle in the arms of the men but they continue to hold me up.

Negan's face is bloody from the broken nose I must have given him. I smile triumphantly.

"Boys, I don't thinks she gets this. Take this dog to her kennel until I figure out what to do with her." He says.

They yank my bloody body back to my room and roughly throw me inside.

I sit in here, bloody and battered, hurting all over. I can barely move without pain coursing through my body. Even breathing is hard to do. Somehow though, I manage to sit myself up and inspect my wounds.

They aren't too bad. They are just minor cuts, but major bruising. I think about tearing off a piece of my shirt to wipe away the blood, but I tear my mind away from that idea knowing that it isn't the cleanest thing in the world, and more than likely will do more harm than good.

Finally, after an hour of painfully sitting in my cell, Negan comes to my cell and opens that door.

"That was some stupid shit you pulled attacking me like that." He says with Lucille over his shoulder.

I take a painful breath before answering, "never...regretted it." I say in between breaths.

He chuckles, "well, I got to say I like the giant sized woman balls you got on you. In fact, if you had a dick, I would still be attracted to you like I am now." He says with a purr in his voice.

"Go to hell prick." I say.

He chuckles, "well, I'm sorry but I can't exactly do that right now because we have a little get together to get to." He says with a smirk.

"We?" I ask confused.

"Yup. So come on you sorry sack of shit!" He says grabbing my by the collar and dragging me to the main floor where the kiln is.

He throws me on the ground.

I look around and I see that the kiln is fired up and Dwight is babysitting the iron in the fire. Then, I see _him_.

Archer.

"Archer my boy! Come on down!" He booms like a game show host.

Archer timidly walks toward the center and immediately locks eyes with me. A tear escapes from his surprised and remorseful expression as he stares at me.

"Now! Let's get started!" He says. "Archer! Tie her up to the chair." He says.

Archer walks over to me and gently helps me up and into the chair before tying me to it.

"Now Sam. I'm _very_ disappointed in your behavior lately. Associating with the pricks down the road, lying to me about them, killing Paula and her gang. And don't think I don't know about that." He says pointing his finger at me.

Then, he swings lucille at my face but stops just short of it connecting with my jaw. I, however, don't flinch. I know what's coming to me, there's no use in being a coward now, not when i'm neck deep in shit creek already.

He chuckles though, "God I love you. In fact, I love you so much, that I'm sad that I've lost you! And I want you back. But that's hard when after everything I've done for and to you, fails to work. So now, i'm down to the last straw. I'm sorry, I really am, but it wouldn't have gone down this way if you would have just listened." He says.

"So, with that being said," he says before he turns to Dwight at the kiln heating up the iron, "Dwight! Bring me the iron." He says.

Negan puts on a leather glove and is handed the iron on the metal rod. He slowly walks toward me but all I can do is sit and watch. I knew this would happen one day, so I face my reality with what little dignity that I have left.

The iron still hangs on the rod as he brings it inches from my face. I can feel the scorching heat radiating off of it and to my face. I look at Archer and he looks at me with pity and has tears rolling down his face. I nod at him silently telling him that i'll be okay, just as he did for me just weeks ago.

Negan hesitates, and I wait for him to put the iron to my face, however I did not expect what came next.

He drops the iron to the floor, allowing it to hit with a metallic clank. I look at him confused before he turns with the rod and inserts it into archers chest right above his heart, slowly.

Archer screams in pain and agony and falls to his knees. Tears burst out of his eyes like a dam and the smell of burning flesh fills the room along with his screams.

I scream in terror and fight the restraints of my chair to save my husband, but there is no give to them. All I can do is watch.

"Sam!" He yells desperately.

"I love you!!" He yells in between screams and then, after a few minutes of Negan burning through his chest, Archer falls to the ground and Negan lets go allowing the rod to stick out of his chest.

Archer is dead.

"No! You fucking bastard!" I yell in tears as I fight my restraints, "i'll kill you!" I yell.

He chuckles and turns back to Archers body and smiles before taking lucille and bashing his head in.

All that is left is an unidentifiable body of the man that I love.

He walks over to me slowly, and bends down so we are at eye level.

"So, you belong to me now. You have no other attachments, nothing holding you down from the work that needs to be done. You should thank me for that." He says with a smile, "In fact, I think I deserve a damn cake!" He yells.

I stop fighting the restraints and finally break down. The only thing that I loved was just tortured to death right in front of my eyes. I have no fight left in me. I slump down in my chair and mourn.

"Take her back." Negan orders.

I feel unfamiliar arms snake around me and undo my restraints before hauling me back to my cell.

I'm thrown in my room, still bloody, still battered, but the difference now is that this isn't me. I am weak, and have no desire to live.

The difference, is that I just died in that room.


	10. I Am Not Negan: Chapter 10

**(flashback)**

"Congrats sam." Archer says.

"Thanks, and to you too." I tell him.

Today is the day of our college graduation. I've finally achieved my lifelong dream of going to college to be a police officer, and now I can look forward to actually becoming one. Words can't even describe the joy and excitement that I'm even feeling right now.

"Is paul and your mom taking you out to dinner?" Archer asks as we walk out of the huge room and to the outside.

"No, they couldn't make it. Mom wasn't feeling well enough to leave so Paul stayed to take care of her." I tell him.

"Oh, that's too bad. You deserve a night out after accomplishing this." He says flicking my cap.

I chuckle, "well so do you." I tell him pushing him playfully, "where's your family?" I ask him.

"Not here. We aren't on good terms right now." He says.

"Aww, I'm sorry archer." I tell him.

"Nah, it'll be fine." He tells me, "but enough about that, since neither of us are going out tonight with family, how about you have a picnic with me?" He asks.

"A picnic? At night?" I ask him confused.

"Yea, why not?" He asks.

"Okay, well when?" I ask him.

"How about now?" He asks.

"What? Now? In our cap and gown?" I ask him.

"Why sure! It's not like we'll ever use em' again." He tells me.

I give him a fake thinking look, teasing him for a moment while he anxiously waits for my answer, "well, okay. But it's only because you look so darn handsome that I just can't stay away." I tell him smiling.

His face lights up like a kids does on Christmas morning. He takes my hand and we run to his car.

Then, before he drives away, he just turns and stares at me.

"Turn around." He tells me.

"What?" I ask him.

"Just do it." He says.

I roll my eyes and turn in my seat away from him.

He places a piece of fabric around my face covering my eyes and tying it in the back. I laugh as he does and so does he.

"What are you doing?" I ask him.

"You'll see." He answers.

"Archer Pierce Phillips!" I yell at him.

"Samantha nicole lancaster!" He mocks.

I laugh and he pulls away.

VVVVVVVVVVVVV

We finally stop after a 15 minute trip. He gets out of the car and I can hear him run over to my side and help me out. He leads me over a few steps and sits me down on what seems like a bench.

"Stay right here." He says and runs away. I giggle and wait for him to come back.

As I sit and wait for him, I smell the scent of the outdoors and the special smell of a creek. I hear birds chirping and the sounds of woodpecker knocking on trees. I smile at the wonderful place that he has brought me.

I hear him running back and the sound of something in his arms. He takes my hand in his and guides me a few steps before stopping.

"What are we doing?" I ask him.

"Okay, we're going to get on a bus, so don't let go okay?" He says.

"Okay." I answer.

I hear the bus pull up and Archer pays for the ride before we start to move again. It takes a few minutes, but then, the bus stops and I hear a few people get off. It didn't sound like there were very many people on anyways.

We get off the bus and then, Archer picks me up over his shoulder and carries me a good ways until finally lowering me onto what feels like a rock, until I'm sitting.

"Wait right there, and don't move an inch." He says.

"Like I know where i'm going anyways." I tell him jokingly.

I hear him laugh and shuffle a few things around before coming back over to me and leading me a few steps to my right before setting me down on a blanket.

Then, he takes my blindfold off, and what I see truly amazes me.

We are on top of a mountain, overlooking the entire city, the lights are all lit up and the stars are in full view.

I look over and he is looking right at me with a smile.

I smile back and look at what he's arranged. It's a picnic blanket with candles and kfc.

I laugh, "you bought kfc?" I ask him.

"You did say that kfc was bangin' a few weeks ago." He teases.

"Well at least I didn't lie." I tell him.

He pulls out two plates and places food on both and gives one to me. Then, he sets his down and reaches in the picnic basket and pulls out a bouquet of one dozen red roses and hands them to me.

"For you. Congratulations on today." He tells me.

I smile, "thank you."

I place them down gently and we begin to eat and enjoy the view of the city and the stars.

We begin to get into astronomy since that's what we took together this year, and go into theories about life on different planets and alternate realities.

Then, he puts his plate down in the middle of the conversation and just looks at me with a smile.

"What?" I ask him.

"Samantha, we've known each other practically since the womb and you have never ceased to amaze me." He says, "Sam, I'm in love with you. I have been in live with you ever since we were kids, and I want you to be mine. Would you give me the honor of being able to be your boyfriend?" He asks.

I smile and tease him like I did earlier and pretend to think really hard, but he doesn't fall for it this time. He pokes me in the sides which causes me to laugh, "stop Archer!" I yell in between giggles.

"Then don't tease me like that silly goose." He says stopping.

I chuckle and look at him with a smile, "okay." I tell him.

"So it's a yes?!" He asks excitedly.

I nod, "yes." I tell him.

He stands up and lifts me up with him and he spins me around. Finally, he sets me down and once the world stops spinning, he places a gentle kiss on my lips. I return it and smile throughout.

Then, when we part, we're both smiling and kiss once again.

VVVVVVVVVVVVV

 **(End of Flashback)**

It's been two weeks since Archer's death.

I sit here, shivering from the memory of when me and Archer began to date. It was such a happy memory. We had so much love for each other.

Then, the vision of his mangled dead body flashes before my eyes, causing me to jump and tremble even more. I curl into a ball in the corner and cry for what seems like hours, until I hear that stupid fucking song.

 _Easy street._

I hear Dwight open the door to Daryl's cell next to me and then my cell door opens. I lift my head and see him handing me a dog food sandwich. I take it and he closes the door to my cell.

I don't eat the sandwich, I just stare at it, and then I drop it having no desire to eat it at all. I turn and lay back down on the floor and tremble continuously throughout the song blaring on the stereo. The wounds from the multiple beatings I've recieved have only gotten worse. I now have a fever and throw up whatever I eat.

I sit here for hours on end, trembling and thinking of Archer, when I hear Daryl's door open and then mine. I look up and see Daryl standing there, he looks at me and picks me up and carries me away.

"Where are we going?" I ask him weakly.

"Home."


	11. I Am Not Negan: Chapter 11

_"Who do you think they'll pick?" Archer asks._

 _"I don't know. Sumner would be a good cop, but of course I hope it's me." I say worriedly._

 _I have just returned from my interview at the sheriff's office and have begun the anxious wait of their final decision. Archer and I are sitting on the couch mindlessly watching the news as we always do. His arm is draped around my shoulder and he is fiddling with his wedding ring._

 _I look over at him and see his brilliant green eyes shining in the light coming through the window. He is intently watching the news and doesn't recognize that I'm watching him. I think about how lucky I am to have him, and to how he is so supportive of me and my dream._

 _I begin to helplessly smile widely and he finally notices me. He looks at me smiling as well and places a loving kiss on my forehead._

 _"I'm so lucky to have you." He tells me._

 _"And I am the luckiest woman on this earth to have you." I answer._

 _He smiles and we continue to watch whatever is on the news._

 _"I remember what your dad always used to tell us." I say._

 _"What's that?" He asks._

 _"It's our duty as american patriots to watch the news every day so we know what's going on." I say in a mocking tone._

 _Archer chuckles, "yea, my dad was pretty great." He says._

 _I nod, "wish he were my dad. My piece of shit dad never even showed up for our wedding. He was too high to even wake up. He even went out that night and got drunk and bought a prostitute for the night. Shows how much he cared." I say with anger._

 _Archer turns towards me and takes both of my hands in his, "what was that promise I made to you when we were younger?" He asks me._

 _"That he's piece of shit and that you would always take care of me." I say._

 _"Exactly. He doesn't matter. That's his fault for not coming and now he has to live with that for the rest of his life. But I will never ever break our promise. I meant it when we were five years old and I still mean it now when we're twenty two. I will always take care of you." He says._

 _I nod my head and he pulls me in for a hug._

VVVVVVVVVVVVVV

My eyes whip open and I am met with the back of a moving car. I try to sit up but strong hands hold me down. I look behind me and Daryl is holding me down looking concerned.

"Where am I?" I ask.

"We're on our way to the kingdom." He tells me.

"Damn, really?" I ask.

"Yea. You ever been there?" He asks.

"No, Negan would never let me go." I say pushing his hands off of me and painfully sitting up.

A stabbing pain comes from my right side and I hold it trying to relieve myself of pain.

"You got bruised ribs, lay back down." Daryl commands.

"No." I tell him.

He shakes his head, "fine then." He says in frustration and looks out the window.

I shake my head and begin to evaluate my wounds and the condition i'm in. I have multiple lacerations across my body. My midsection has been bandaged and there are multiple stitched up cuts across my body, including one across my face. I am also very underweight. The muscling on my frame has been reduced significantly and my skin color is very pale.

 _I deserve this._ I tell myself.

And it's true. I've been associated with this monster of a person. I did everything he has asked. I am the enemy. I caused this. Hell, I couldn't even protect my own husband.

 _What the hell am I good for?_

Tears start to roll down my face and I quickly wipe them away, not wanting to let Negan get to me before I can him.

 _He will not weaken me. There is no time for mourning now. I have to kill him first._ I tell myself.

I look over and see Daryl watching me. His face shows small signs of pity. I shake my head at him, silently telling him to leave it be. He nods and looks back out the window again.

We finally stop in the ruins of a small town. While Paul and Rick get out of the car, Daryl stays inside.

"You alright?" He asks.

"Yea, i'm fine." I lie to him.

"I don't think you are." He says.

"Well it don't matter what you think Daryl. I'm fine and that's that." I tell him.

He shakes his head, "whatever." He says in a mad tone.

He gets out and slams the door while walking over to Rick and Paul. He yells something at them and at the same time, two men riding a horse appear and begin to yell something. Then, the leader looks at Paul as if he recognizes him. They exchange a few words and one of the men points toward the car then at the ground.

Daryl looks fed up and begins to walk toward the car again. Then everyone else gets out of the car and Daryl comes over and opens the door.

"C'mon, we gotta line up." He says beginning to pick me up.

"I ain't linin' up for no one no more." I tell him.

"I don' like it neither, but it ain't our decision." He tells me.

I shake my head and he picks me up and brings me over to the line up and gently sets me down. The man's attention is suddenly focused on me and he looks at Paul in confusion.

"What happened to her?" He asks.

"Negan, that's what happened." He says, "Richard, this is my sister, Sam." He says.

He nods in my direction, "I'm sorry for what happened to you. We have good doctors in the kingdom. Hand over your weapons and we can help you." He says.

Rick nods, "we only have two." He says as they are handed over.

"And your car will have to stay here." Richard tells us.

Rick nods once again.

"Okay." Richard says, "follow me."

Paul walks over to me in concern and so does Daryl. They try to help me up but I swat their hands away.

"I can walk! I ain't a damn cripple." I tell them in frustration.

I painfully stand on my own and slowly follow in the back of the group. Paul follows with me, but Daryl walks ahead and to the front with Rick.

"How're you holding up?" Paul asks.

"I've been beaten and held prisoner in a dark room, forced to eat dog food and had to listen to a god awful song blare on the stereo for weeks. Yea, sure, I'm doing great." I say adding some sarcasm.

"I'm sorry." He tells me.

"Not like you did anything. It's all my fault. I should have never punched Negan that night." I say, "then maybe Glenn and Archer would still be alive and Daryl wouldn't have had to suffer my fate." I say.

"Hey." Paul says, "you couldn't control anything that happened to you or Daryl. Stop being so hard on yourself." He tells me.

"Stop being hard on myself? How could I not Paul?! This is my fault, because all I am is the enemy, all I am is a piece of shit person who does nothing but kill people!" I yell at him and push him away from me.

I fall behind him and the group and walk alone, with just me and my thoughts.

VVVVVVVVVV

 _I've locked the door to Archer and I's room. I am curled in a ball on the bed and I'm trembling with fear and disbelief._

 _I've just killed a man._

 _Archer beats on the door, begging me to let me in. Then, after a few hours of this, I hear my partner from the sheriff's office, deputy Sumner, beat on the door and beg to come in as well._

 _Still trembling, I stand up and walk over to the door and unlock it. When I open it, I immediately burst into tears and fall into Archer's arms. Both him and my partner try and comfort me and tell me that everything will be okay._

 _"I'm a monster." I say._

 _"No, you aren't. You did everything you could to get him to cooperate. But he chose to fire that shot, so you did what you were supposed to do. Had you not, one of us could have ended up dead." Sumner tells me._

 _I tremble harder, thinking of that man's face and the crazed drug driven look he had. I still hear the shot I fired that killed him ring in my head over and over. When I close my eyes I see blood and his dead body slump to the ground. I hear his dying scream._

 _I could have saved him, but I didn't._

 _"You're a hero." Sumner says._

VVVVVVVVVVV

"You're a hero." I say under my breath as I mindlessly continue to walk.

My body begins to tremble in remembrance of this past event. I still remember the sound of the shot. I remember his screams. And as I listen to his scream, it begins to mix in with Archers dying scream, and tears begin to escape again.

I aggressively wipe my face clean of the salty water and shake my thoughts away. I look up and see a few people looking at me with concern.

"What?!" I yell at them.

They turn back around, and continue to walk. I shake my head, frustrated at myself for showing weakness. I continue to walk and promise that I will not show weakness, and that I will find justice for all of the dead people that died at the hands of Negan and his minions, including my own.

VVVVVVVVV

 **Hey, this is the Sentinel here. I know it's been a while since I last updated this story, but it took a while to figure out the direction I wanted to take this character. This was a major conflict for me for weeks but I think that this is the best draft that i've had so far. Let me know how you liked this chapter and if you have suggestions then they are welcome. I would like feedback on this chapter because i'm still not so sure if this is a good direction to go. And as always, thank you for taking the time in reading my fanfiction! It's very much appreciated!**

 **The sentinel**


	12. I Am Not Negan: Chapter 12

"Get off of me!" I yell at the doctor.

"Okay, okay. I just wanted to evaluate you and make sure everything is okay." The man says.

"Well i'm fine, so why don't you just piss off." I say.

He nods, "okay, i'll respect your wishes." He says as he walks away.

I groan in agitation and buckle over in pain. I hold my side and try and massage it, desperate to relieve the pain, but it only brings more.

 _It's what murderous psychopaths like me deserve._

Then, the king himself walks through the door.

"What?" I ask in an annoyed tone, "come here to pity me? To ask me how I am? Because if you are then you can escort your 'royal' ass on out." I say.

He just chuckles, "no, I have not come to give you my sympathy, I have simply come to share a drink." He says with a smile as he pulls out a bottle of whiskey.

"Bout' god damn time someone started speakin' my language." I say, "pass me that bottle." I say.

He hands it to me and I quickly take the cap off and down at least three huge gulps.

"Well, as I recall, we were supposed to share, but i'm not so sure I want to now." He says as he watches me.

"What? Afraid your pampered ass is gonna get cooties from drinkin' straight from me?" I ask.

"No, but I was afraid of this by the stories your brother has told." He says reaching for the other side of his coat, "so good thing I brought another."

I shake my head and take another sip.

Once we stand here for a few moments taking swigs of our whiskey, he finally takes a seat in the chair in the corner.

"Your friends want to take on Negan with my help." He says. "I wanted to know your side, on what you think." He says.

"And why is that?" I ask.

"Because you matter." He tells me.

I chuckle, "sure I do." I say sarcastically.

"I mean it. You and your opinion matters." He says.

I shake my head, "okay, you wanna know what I think? I think you should help, I think you should do something instead of sit back and watch." I tell him.

He nods, "and at what costs?" He asks.

I shake my head in anger, "just fucking forget it, you're missing the point. You won't listen, you don't believe that they need your help so just fucking forget it." I say and slam the bottle on the ground.

The glass smashes on the floor and I leave the room.

VVVVVVVVVVV

I show up in the dining hall reeking of sweat and alcohol. I'm sure my face shows how rough I look, but I don't really give two shits.

I grab a plate of food and sit at an empty table. I don't have much of an appetite so instead of eating like everyone else, I end up just staring at my food.

Soon I notice however, that my table begins to fill with some people I recognize, and some I don't. There is a blonde haired boy with a stick to my left and Daryl sits to my right along with Rick, Michonne, Tara, and Sasha.

"Where's my brother?" I ask them.

"He's out mingling." Is what the blonde boy says.

"And you are?" I ask.

"Benjamin, or Ben for short." He says reaching his hand out for me to shake it.

I don't take it, and instead just look back down at my tray. They go on eating and occasionally talking about the kingdom and how we can beat Negan, but I remain silent.

Once i've decided that i've stayed here long enough, I get up from my seat and leave, leaving my tray there for someone to pick over.

I begin to walk to our rooms for the night when a strong hand grasps my shoulder. I whip around real quick but the owner of the hand puts both on my shoulders. Then, I quickly realize that the hands belong to Daryl.

"Calm down." He says.

I shake off his hands and look at him in confusion, "what do you want?" I ask.

"You alright?" He asks sounding concerned.

"What in the hell do you think?" I ask him.

He nods and looks at the ground, "I'm sorry bout' your husband. Couple times he come in to check on me back at Negan's place and he'd sneak me a sandwich or somethin'. He seemed like a good dude." He says.

We sit in silence for a moment, I look to the ground thinking about Archer. I think about how that sounds exactly like something he would do. He was such a good man. He wouldn't let anyone suffer. I look back up at him and nod, and then walk away.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVV

I wake up the next morning with a pounding headache, but ignore it as I get ready for the day.

I walk outside and am met with King Ezekiel.

"Sam, I hope you had a good rest." He says.

"As a matter of fact I didn't. Turns out tourture and the murder of your husband is not on the list of things for a good nights sleep." I say.

He just smiles awkwardly, "well, would you take a walk with me?" He asks.

"And why would I do that?" I ask.

"Humor me." He says.

I shake my head and walk with him. Along the way, we find Daryl and the rest of the group and he gets them to follow as well. We walk for a few moments and finally find an arrow shooting range.

"This is life here, every day. But it came at a cost. And I wanted more of this, I wanted to expand. To create more places like this. Men and women lost their limbs, children lost their parents because I sent them into battle against the wasted when I did not need to." He says.

"This is different." Rick argues.

"It isn't." Ezekiel combats.

"It is." Rick persists.

"The dead don't rule us." I interject, "But people do. It doesn't look like this outside your walls. People don't have it as good, hell, some don't have it good at all."

"I have to look out for my people." He says.

"You call yourself a damn king?" Daryl says stepping foreword, "you sure as hell don't act like one."

"All of this came at a cost. It was lives, arms, legs." He says in a commanding tone gesturing around him. "The peace we have with the saviors is uneasy, but it is peace. I have to hold onto it, I have to try." He says, "although the king cannot grant you the aid that you request, he is sympathetic to your plight. I offer your friend Daryl and Sam asylum for as long as they require it. They will be safe here, the saviors do not set foot inside our walls." He says.

"How long you think that'll last." I say shaking my head and walking away. Daryl and the rest of the group follow and they walk towards the gate along with me. Daryl walks along beside me.

"What do ya think about this?" He asks.

"I think it's bullshit. They're fuckin' pricks that can't see past their stupid ass walls to know what real danger they and everyone else is in." I say.

Daryl grunts in agreement, "can't argue with that. But there ain't nothin' we can do now. All we can do is try an' fight em' on our own." He says.

"Yeah well, I highly doubt that plan will ever work. But whatever it takes to kill the son of a bitch who killed my husband, i'll do." I say.

Daryl smiles, "I can get on board with that." He says, "alright, open it up! We're gone!" Daryl yells up to the guards at the gate. They obey but Rick walks in front of us before we can leave.

"But y'all aren't." He says.

"What?" I ask in confusion and outrage.

"There ain't no way we're stayin' here." Daryl says.

"You have to, it's the smartest play and you both know it." He says, "Try to talk to Ezekiel, or stare him into submission. Whatever it takes." He says looking at both of us.

Daryl nods and we watch as they leave, and we stay.

I shake my head and walk off, and Daryl follows.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVV

 **Hey, this is the sentinel here, I just wanted to say thank you for following this story and taking the time to read it. It means a lot to me. As always, feel free to comment with any thoughts or suggestions, those are much appreciated and I promise, I read and appreciate every single one.**

 **Thanks again!**

 **-The Sentinel**


	13. I Am Not Negan: Chapter 13

Depressed. Insane. Hated. Feared. Alcoholic. Delusional. Murderer. All these words roll through my head along with so many more. They all nag me, because they are exactly how to describe me. They are all horrible, but are so true that it's all I can hear.

I lay in my bed, curled in a ball with my hands over my ears. I've been alone too long. I've had too much time in my head, and now i'm stuck. I cannot escape, so now i'm a prisoner of my own mind.

Sometimes tears escape my eyes, but it's only because I don't know what to do, and that frustrates me. It pisses me off to no end that I can't even come up with one single way to kill Negan. Or to at least rip his heart out of his chest like he did me.

I want him dead. I wish I could rip his throat out. I wish I could torture him until there was nothing left in him. I wish I could beat the holy hell out of him. I want to pierce a hot metal rod through his chest, just like he did Archer. But I can't. First of all, there is no way I can either reach him now or do it alone, and second of all, I don't even have the strength to get out of this bed. I can't even begin to think of how long it's been since I've eaten.

Daryl checks on me frequently every day. We've grown closer since we've been here. At least in the sense of him talking to me about what's going on and me remaining silent. I don't speak, at all. I wish I could say something, anything, but I don't know what i'd say. I can't muster enough brain power to put letters together to make just one word. All I can hear bouncing around is ezekiel saying he won't help and Archer's screams remaining constant.

Then, Daryl walks in, as if he's right on time.

"Brought you lunch." He says.

I stay silent.

I hear him set it on the end table beside the bed, and I feel the bed sink down. It's quiet for a moment. Our breathing is the only thing that isn't.

"You gonna talk today?" He asks.

Silence.

He rises from the bed and begins to walk out before we are both surprised by the sound of my very hoarse voice.

"I wish he were dead." I say.

He stops, "what?"

"I wish he were dead and that I were too." I say.

He slowly walks to the bed and sits back down. We sit in silence again and then he puts his hand on my hip in a comforting gesture. I look over at him and see that he is watching me carefully, and in worry. I slowly sit up and tears escape me. The loss and the sadness has finally caught up with me, and I can't mask it this time. Not in front of him. He's already seen me at my lowest, there is nothing else to hide.

He wraps his arms around me and I sink into his embrace and let my emotions overcome me. Sobs escape me, and memories flood back of my life, and it only makes me cry even harder.

Daryl steadily rubs his hands up and down my arms, and in a weird way, it reminds me of Archer, and how he used to do this when I was upset. He was always there, strong and steady. He was my rock. He kept me sane through the years. That's when I suddenly pull away from Daryl. My mind cannot do this. Archer isn't here anymore. He's dead and gone. Daryl is not him.

"What?" He asks.

"Don't do that." I say.

"Do what?" He asks confused.

"Hold me, comfort me. I don't deserve it." I tell him.

He shakes his head, "why in the hell would you say something like that?" He asks.

"Because I just don't. I deserve to be six feet under, not here being comforted by you." I say.

He shakes his head in frustration, "if there's anythin' you do deserve, it's comfort. So don't go sayin' dumb shit like that." He says.

I just look down in shame.

"Eat somethin'." He says after a second of silence.

"I can't." I say.

"Well why the hell not?" He asks still frustrated.

"Because I just can't Daryl." I tell him looking up at him.

"You can an' you will. If you don't, then how you gonna help us?" He asks.

I sigh and reach for the sandwich he made me. I take a bite, and then another, and another. Once he sees that i've eaten a good amount, he stands and walks around my room, gathering my things. I look at him in confusion.

"What're you doin'?" I ask him.

"Well you gonna help or not?" He asks.

"Well yea." I answer.

"Well then we gotta get to hilltop. C'mon, lets go." He says.

I stand and we leave for hilltop.

VVVVVVVVV

We arrived at hilltop an hour ago and from the moment we arrived, Daryl insisted heavily that I got to the doctor. He told me that I needed to see him if I wanted to help. So, naturally, I go and see the doctor. On the way to the medical trailer, Maggie passes me, but I keep my head down and avoid eye contact.

I reach the medical trailer and doctor carson gestures for me to sit down. He evaluates me and decides that my wounds are coming along fine and tells me if I keep eating better then I should make a full recovery.

As I walk outside, my brother grabs my shoulder harshly and ushers me around Barrington house.

"What the hell paul?" I say once we are around back.

"Simon's here." He says.

"What?" I demand in a whisper.

"Yea, I know. C'mon, into the cellar before he sees you." He says as he opens the cellar.

I hurry in and he begins to close the doors behind me, "I'll be back for you." He says and then closes the doors all the way.

I quickly hide in the corner and get my knife out just in case one of Negan's men decides to walk in. It's not but a few minutes later that the doors open and two sets of feet enter the room. They hurry down the steps and once they get to the bottom, I lunge out ready to kill both of them. But who I'm met with instead is Maggie and Daryl. I instantly relax, but only enough to not kill them.

"Hurry, we have to hide." Maggie says.

We look around the room for a hiding spot but I cannot find a single one. Then I hear someone moving something behind me and see maggie and daryl moving the shelf. I hurry over to them and help and within no time, we are behind the shelf and out of sight.

I shift uncomfortably in between maggie and daryl. It's my fault that Glenn is dead. It's my fault that Maggie's unborn child must now grow up without a father. It's all my fault.

I can't dwell on this for very long however, because once of Negan's men enters the room. I ready my knife for my assault at any moment, but maggie grabs my arm and shakes her head, silently telling me no. I slowly lower the knife and we watch as the man looks throughout the room, taking whatever he pleases, and then leaves. We all let out a breath we didn't know we held and emerge from our hiding spot.

"I'll go check to se if they're gone." Daryl says and walks outside.

"What's wrong with you?" Maggie asks.

"What?" I ask.

"You were gonna kill that man." She says.

"He was gonna find us." I say back.

"But he didn't." She says back.

"He deserved to die." I tell her seriously.

"Ever since you got here, you haven't said a word to me." She says.

I look away in shame. The memory of glenn's screams surface and I begin to shake in fear and anger of what i've done.

"Would you look at me? Please?" She asks.

I slowly look up at her and tears begin to roll down my face, "I'm sorry." I tell her as my voice cracks.

"It wasn't your fault." She says as she hugs me, and I hug back.

"It was." I tell her.

"No, it wasn't. You are one of the good things in this world. That's what glenn thought. And he would know because he was one of the good things too." She says letting me go and looks me in the eye.

Her breath shudders and tears threaten to come down on her face as well, but she gathers up the strength to make them disappear.

"And I wanted to kill that guy too. I wanted to string them all up and watch them die, but we have to win. Help me win." She says looking me dead in the eye.

I nod and so does she, "now, lets go check on Daryl."

VVVVVVVVV

 **Hey, it's the Sentinel here. Thank you so much for your support in this story. It really means a lot to me. As always, feedback is much appreciated and I hope you enjoyed this chapter of I Am Not Negan. Thanks again!**

 **-The Sentinel.**


	14. I Am Not Negan: Chapter 14

We are on our way to ocean side. Tara said that they have guns that could help in the fight, and maybe, if we're lucky, they'll join us. I hope they do, because we'll need everyone we can get to win this war.

I sit beside Daryl with his new crossbow in hand. He looks straight ahead with a determined look. I put my hand on his arm and he looks at me.

"We got this. No one has to die today." I tell him.

He nods and looks forward again. I take my hand off his arm and look to tara in the front seat.

"So, how many people do they have?" I ask her.

"Around 60 to 80 women. They're very secluded though." She tells me.

"Wait, just women?" I ask her.

"Yea, Negan took out all of the men. Why?" She asks.

 _Oh shit._

"I was there." I tell her.

"What?" She asks in confusion.

"I was there." I say raising my voice, "I helped kill their men!"

VVVVVVVV

 _"Sam, my pretty little badass. Why don't you do the honors of leading this assault." Negan says with a smile._

 _I hesitantly nod, "yes sir."_

 _I walk towards the small settlement and load my rifle. I hear people yelling once they spot me and people run towards shelter. But I don't let them get that far. I open fire on the men first. My orders are to spare the women._

 _I've taken down at least six men when a bullet sweeps right above my eye, leaving a gash in my eyebrow. I look to my right and spot an older man with a pistol pointed at my head. I walk towards him slowly raising my hands as I go. I put the rifle along my back and continue to walk towards him slowly. He lowers his guard and when I see the opportunity, I take it._

 _He lowered his guard just enough that he never saw me coming. I sprint suddenly and he impulsively takes a shot, but misses. I tackle him to the ground and punch him in the face. He releases the gun and I quickly take it and point it at his head. He puts his hands on the barrel and desperately tries to push it away but I punch him in the face again. His grip slacks just enough for the barrel to point at his face again and I take my shot._

 _Blood sprays on my face and his body goes limp. I hear screams from behind me and stand to look at who they're from. A woman tries to run towards who I assume was her husband but a few other women hold her back._

 _"No natania, we have to go!" One woman says._

 _She continues to scream and fight, but they pull her away._

 _I hear clapping and a chuckle coming from my side and I look only to see negan with a big grin on his face._

 _"What a show! You know, you may be one hell of a prick sometimes, but you never disappoint. Well done. Now what do ya say we hunt down some more of these pricks?" He asks in a low tone._

 _I nod, "Sure thing boss"_

VVVVVVVVVVV

"I killed a lot of their people that day. It was the day that I lost my mind." I tell them.

Rick looks at me with concern in the rear view mirror but I just look out the window. I close my eyes and bid those memories away. I feel Daryl bump shoulders with me.

"Well don't worry. We'll get these guns and kill them pricks tomorrow. Ain't nobody at oceanside got to get hurt. Alright?" He says.

I nod, "okay. And maybe on the bright side, they'll want revenge. That could be enough for them to help us fight." I tell them.

Rick nods, "good. We'll need them."

It takes a few more hours to reach the outskirts of oceanside, but when we get there, we begin to formulate a plan. It's decided that tara will try to convince their leader, who I now know is Natania, to give over the guns and maybe even fight with us. We give her five minutes to negotiate, but after the five minutes is up, we will round up their people and play bad cop. Only they will be doing this, I won't be.

When everything is gone over and roles are given, everyone takes off to get into position. Except before Rick takes off, I grab his shoulder and turn him around to face me.

"I can't do this." I tell him.

"Yes you can. Your past doesn't matter anymore. You're one of us now." He says.

"No, you don't understand, I can't go. The leader was the wife of the man I killed that day. She knows me, and if she sees me, then she'll think you're part of Negans crew out to kill them. If I go, then our plan won't work, and I don't want anyone to get hurt because of me." I tell him.

He sighs and looks at his feet. He thinks for a minute before finally nodding, "okay." He says looking at me again, "stay here with the cars. We'll come get you when we get the guns." He says.

I nod and smirk, "Getting cocky grimes?" I tease.

He just smiles and walks away.

I turn around and sit in the car, waiting for them to return.

VVVVVVVVV

It isn't but fifteen minutes later and I begin to hear the familiar growls of walkers. Except these sound a little different than what they normally do. I look outside and see barnical and seaweed infested walkers rising from the nearby waters.

"Oh shit." I says to myself.

I pull out my knife and wait for them to pass before making a move. I slowly and quietly get out of the car and follow the herd towards the direction of oceanside. Slowly and steadily, I creep up on walkers and take out as many as I can.

Then, I feel a hand on my boot. It pulls me down and I turn around to see a walker with no legs gnawing on the sole of my boot. I kick it off and try to get up again when another pushes me down, this time, it's trying to gnaw on my shoulder. I keep the one near my head propped up on my left hand while I bring my heel down on the one at my feet. I dome that mother fuckers head in and grab my knife and quickly insert it into the skull of the one to my left. It goes limp and I shove it away from me.

I stand up and inspect myself for scratches or bites, but thankfully find none. I smile at myself and dust my clothes off.

"Damn I'm good." I say to myself with a smirk.

By now, I hear gunshots and the sounds of bodies hitting the ground. I crouch down and go towards the sound and find that they're only shooting at the herd. Luckily, I took out about ten of the walkers from the herd, reducing the size a little bit. I sneak away so I don't risk one of them spotting me and head back to the car.

Once I'm back at the car, it doesn't take long after the quarrel with the herd until they return with good news. I walk over and look at Rick with a questioning face.

Rick walks up to me and nods, "we got the guns. But they won't be joining us." He says.

I smile and nod, "Well at least we have guns. And with those, we'll have a chance at flipping a metaphorical bird to negan." I say with a smirk.

He just chuckles, "good." He says and turns toward the group, "alright, lets load em' up and head home. We have a lot to do before tomorrow." He says.

Then they all get in the trucks and head off, except for Daryl. I walk over to the beach and he follows. We just look out to the ocean in silence.

"Why didn't you go to load the guns up?" I ask him.

"Because I don't want you to have to be alone. I saw where you killed them walkers in the woods." He says.

"So?" I ask.

"I saw where you musta' had a struggle. You alright?" He asks.

I nod and smile, "yea, I'm great actually."

He chuckles, "why's that?" He asks.

"Because, for the first time in a long time, I feel like everything's going right. Tomorrow, we're going to take on Negan and I have a feeling we're gonna win. Then I'll finally have justice for archer, and maybe I can move on. He'd want me to." I tell him looking at him.

He nods.

"Why don't you go check on them, see if they need help." I tell him.

He nods, "alright." He says and walks away.

I continue to look out at the sea and think about a life without Negan. One that isn't filled with tyranny and death. But one that is easy going, and better. One where I feel better knowing that Archer was avenged, and I smile.

VVVVVVVVVV

We just just got back from oceanside when we spot Rosita.

"Hey are you okay? Where's Sasha?" Rick asks.

"We have a visitor." She says.

"Who?" Rick says.

 _It better not be Negan._

"Follow me." She says.

She walks us down the streets of alexandria, into a basement of one of the apartments.

It is a small concrete room and to our right is a jail cell. But who's in the jail cell is what pisses me off.

 _Dwight_.

I instantly lunge for him and try to punch him in the face, but I'm held back by Michonne and Rick.

"What the fuck is he doin here." I ask in outrage.

I look around and see that Daryl has been restrained too and now paces the floor not taking his eyes off of Dwight.

"He says he wants to help." Rosita says.

"Oh that's the biggest load of bullshit i've ever heard come out of that pricks mouth." I say.

Rick holds his hand up behind him as he walks forward, signaling for me to stop.

"Is that true? You want to help?" Rick asks him.

Dwight nods, "I do."

Rick nods and looks to the ground before raising his revolver to his head and looking him dead in the eyes, "okay," he says as he pulls the hammer back, "Get on your knees."

VVVVVVVVVV

 **Hey, it's the Sentinel here. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story. You guys always make me smile when I read your comments and reviews. I hope that this chapter was okay. I've thought a lot about how I want to shape this character and let me just say that there will be a lot of good things headed her way in the future. Maybe there will be new romances. Let me know of what you would like to see in her future whether it be with her and her development as a character or relationships with friends or maybe even with potential romances. And again, thank you so much!**

 **-The Sentinel**


	15. I Am Not Negan: Chapter 15

I stand in the shower letting the warm water roll off my body. I couldn't tell you the last time a had an actual shower. Dirt, oil, and blood fill the drain, and I close my eyes. I think of what is going to happen today, and I smile. For the first time, in a long time, I am actually happy. Negan will come to an end, I'll see to it, and we can finally move on with our lives. We can start over. I can start over.

I finish my shower after a few minutes and dry off. Once I am dressed, I walk into my room. I'm sharing a house with tara, since she has a spare room. She's been very kind to me since i've been here. She's one of the few friends I have here.

I begin to look at the small pile of things that were salvaged from sanctuary. Dwight brought some things back for me. It doesn't, however, make me forgive him. I don't trust him at all, but Rick likes to think that he can help us, so I go along.

I hear a small knock at my doorway and turn around quickly. Rick stands there with something slung over his shoulder as he stares at me.

"May I come in?" He asks.

"Sure." I say.

He walks up to me and hands me a police uniform on a hangar.

"Here." He says.

I just stand and stare at it. It looks very similar to the one my department had. The only thing different is the stripe down the leg, and the name on the patch.

 _Alexandria police department._

I shake me head, "why?" I ask him.

"Because this is what you are. This is who you are. You never loose this. No matter what happens, you always stay a police officer." He says.

I take the uniform from his hands and just hold it. I look at every detail, from the way the pockets look, down to how the shirt buttons. I never thought I'd get to wear one again. Then, something catches my eye.

 _'Samantha Phillips'_

It is my own badge and name tag. The one from before. It was confiscated when I was taken by Negan, and I never thought i'd see it again. I rub my thumb along the badge and name as if it weren't real.

"I'll let you get dressed." Rick says as he leaves the room.

I slowly walk into the bathroom and never take my eyes off the uniform. I take off my casuals and slowly put on my uniform. Piece by piece, it wraps itself around me. It's as if my old life was returning, but at the same time, a new one has just begun.

The last button on my shirt has been fixed and I put on the last piece, my belt. Attached, is a standard issue 9mm pistol along with extra clips. I look at myself in the mirror and see Sam, the police officer, not Sam, the murderer.

I walk out of my room with a warm smile on my face and downstairs. As I go, I put my hair in a bun, just as I would before. When I reach the living room, I see that Tara and Rick are sitting on the couch, waiting for me. When I enter the room, both of them smile.

"Nice." Tara says.

I chuckle, "Thanks, but I've never been a part of a department before. I was in a deputy in a sheriffs office." I tell them.

They both just chuckle.

"So, how do you feel? Ready to kick ass?" Tara asks with a smile.

"Fuck yea." I say and we all smile

VVVVVVVVVV

Later in the day, I patrol Alexandria for anything out of the ordinary. Nothing has happened all day, except for the planning of course. But it gives me more time to think. I think of the world following Negan. Sure, there'll be people wanting to avenge him, but they will die out over time. The real world that comes after Negan will be filled with relief and comfort knowing that we are behind these walls, and nothing can threaten us. Wel can just live.

I smile thinking of this world. But it doesn't last long. Sooner or later, Negan shows up, but this time we are ready.

I hear people yelling and getting into their positions. I quickly draw my weapon and run beside Daryl. He looks at me and I nod at him in confidence, which earns me a smirk. The gate is closed and the landfill people duck and hide behind the walls alongside Rick and the rest of us, waiting for their signal.

"Will you comply Rick?" I hear a voice that sounds like Eugene say.

"Where's Negan?!" Rick demands.

"I'm Negan." Eugene answers.

I see Rick look down to Rosita and nod. That's the signal. She takes a breath before pressing the button to blow Negan and his men to hell. Only, nothing happens. No huge explosion, no screams, nothing. We all look around in confusion, wondering what the hell happened.

I see Negan pop out from his spot behind a gigantic truck with a casket on the back. He smiles cockily and the landfill people turn their weapons on us.

"Fuckin' hell." I mutter as I sway my pistol around to ward off any attackers.

Daryl brings his weapon down and looks around in outrage.

Negan chuckles, "did you ever hear the one about the stupid little prick named Rick who thought he knew shit but didn't know shit and got everyone he gave a shit about killed?" He asks.

Rick stays silent.

"It's about you." Negan says with a sinister smile. "You all are gonna wanna put your guns down now." He says.

"No one drops anything." Rick says to Negan, then looks at Jadis, the trash queen, "we had a deal." He says with hatred.

"Tamiel came for the boat things. Followed ones who took. Made a better deal." She says.

 _Goddammit Negan!_

I hear Negan sigh, "You push me, and you push me, and you push me Rick. You just tried to blow us up right? I mean, I get my people, but Eugene? He's one of yours. After what he did," he says looking back at Eugene and slapping a hand down on his shoulder before looking back at Rick, "he stepped up." He says smiling and lets go of Eugene. "You people, are animals. The universe gives you a sign and you just shove your finger right up it's ass!" He says shoving his middle finger upward.

Rick just looks at him with all the hate in the world, and so do I.

"Dwight, Simon, chop chop!" He says.

They walk over to the truck and climb on the back, lifting the casket upright as Negan climbs on beside them.

"So, you don't like Eugene anymore. Well you guys gotta like Sasha. I do too. Got her right here, all packaged up for your convenience." He says banging Lucille against the casket.

I close my eyes and shake my head.

Fuck.

"Now I brought her here, so I wouldn't have to kill all of you. And killing all of you, could get _very_ complicated. See, I know there's still a lot of fire power left in there Rick." Negan says.

Everyone from behind the wall stands revealing their positions, but in defeat.

"So I'm gonna make this simple. I want all the guns you managed to scrape up." He says smiling, "That's right. I know about those too. I want every grain of lemonade that you got left! I want one person of your choosing, for lucille." He says, then turns his head to look at me and Daryl, "Daryl and Sam. Ooooh, I got to get me some Daryl and Sam back." He says, "I see you." He says smiling with the corresponding gesture.

I flip him the bird and he just chuckles.

Then, he looks back up at Rick, "And the pool table and all the pool cues and chalk! And I want it now or Sasha dies, and then all of you? Probably." He says.

We all stand here in silence.

"C'mon Rick, just because I brought her here in a casket doesn't mean she has to leave in one." He says.

Rick just stares at him with hatred.

"You know what?! You suck ass Rick. You really do! I don't want to have to kill her but that's exactly what you're gonna make me do." Negan says.

"Let me see her." Rick demands.

Negan chuckles, "Alright. Just give me a second. I might have to get her up to speed. You can't hear shit inside this thing." He says.

He turns to the casket and taps it once with lucille, "Sash, you're not gonna believe this crap." He says as he opens the casket.

And then, without warning and expectation, a walker comes out of the casket and attacks Negan. Only it isn't just any walker, it's Sasha. It takes Negan by surprise and he is thrown over the truck by her, and we all take action.

Carl fires the first shots against the landfill people behind him. I shoot down the ones beside him to allow him time to reposition. He looks at me and nods his head in thanks and I return the gesture. I then turn to Negan's men and join the fire along with Daryl, Tara, And Rosita. I shoot at the truck, hoping to hit Negan. But I fail. Then, I see Rosita get shot, and I quickly take down her shooter.

Tara runs over to her and helps her get away and I follow, exchanging fire with a few of the landfill people and taking down a couple as we go. As soon as I see that it's safe enough, I run to Rosita's other side and both me and Tara help her to safety behind a nearby house.

Once we put her down I look to Tara, "stay here." I tell her.

I look back at the gates and see that Rick is in the hands of Negan once again. I sneak behind him and his men as he takes Rick and Carl down the road and in the backyards if a few houses. I hide behind a house so Negan can't see me and watch as the scene before me unfolds, waiting for the right moment to make a move.

He puts Rick and Carl on their knees and his men circle around them. Gunfire is still being exchanged in the background, but no one noticed Negan bring Rick and Carl here. I bring my pistol out and lay my finger on the trigger, ready to kill him if he even looks at the two of them the wrong way.

"Damn Rick. You couldn't just stick with us huh? You had to go with these filthy garbage people." Negan says and turns to Jadis, "no offense."

"Deal is for 12 yes?" Jadis says, "people are a resource."

"Ten." Negan says looking down at her in a menacing way.

"Fine, ten." Jadis say backing down.

Then Negan sighs, "Rick, this is just gonna make you sad. Broken. You're gonna wish that you were dead." He says, then he sighs again, "I like having fun. I do. But maybe you think that the guy that did what he did to your friends wasn't me, like that was some sort of put-on, like I'm not the guy with the bat. I'm just the guy that makes your kid some spaghetti!" He says.

"Oh, oh shit. Maybe this is on me. Maybe this is all on me!" Negan says.

 _Well now you finally say it._

"I gotta make it right, I gotta start all over again. You know, I gotta say Rick, if I had a kid, i'd want them to be just like this kid, which makes this so much harder." Negan says pointing at Carl.

"You're not gonna win." Carl says with hatred.

"Carl," Negan says, "it's over. Now why don't you point your one ball up the street there and take it all in." He says gesturing with lucille to the street in front of them. Carl and Rick look down the street, and then their faces change from hatred to devastation. But I can't tell what they've seen. I only keep my eyes on Negan.

"We'll win." Carl says, "we live, we're the ones! Us!" Carl says to Negan.

"Ohh, oh. Wow. You just lost someone important to you right now. Like right now! Jesus. What is timing?" Negan says, "well, Rick you chose this. I truly don't know what more I could've done to warn you. And this isn't a warning. It's a punishment." Negan says smiling and kneeling on one knee in front of Rick, "I'm gonna kill carl now. And I'm gonna try and make it into one, hard swing because I like the kid. I just wanna put that in your brain and let it roll around in there for a minute. And then, lucille here is gonna take your hands." He says getting close to Ricks face.

"You can do it Right in front of me, you can take my hands. But I told you already, I'm gonna kill you. All of you. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. Nothin's gonna change that. Nothing. You're already dead." Rick says getting into Negans face now.

Negan looks at Rick like he's just ruined his day, and it makes me smile from ear to ear.

 _Tell em' Rick._

Then Negan does as he always does and chuckles, "wow Rick. Damn." He says and then stands up, "okay." And walks behind Carl, "you said I could do it." He says as he brings lucille up to swing, "So i'm gonna do it."

I bring my pistol up to put a bullet in Negan's skull. But before I can, out of nowhere, a tiger jumps behind Negan, interrupting his swing, and mauls one of his men.

I just sit there for a moment with my mouth wide open. "That was the coolest shit i've ever seen." I say as I hear Negan yell and run for it and the screams of men being mauled to death.

I run out from our cover and begin to shoot at the garbage people and Negan's men. I take down one after another as I see King Ezekiel pop out from around the corner with a fucking sword he holds in the air.

"End these saviors and their accomplices! Alexandria will not fall! Not on this day!" He says, and begins to open fire with a pistol at the saviors.

 _Holy fucking shit this is awesome._

I run alongside them and we begin to push back the saviors. One by one, they fall to the ground with their blood staining the earth. Bullet whizz by my body but I quickly put down their owners. My smile slowly builds as I see their forces diminish and after a few seconds of fighting, Maggie and Paul emerge with forces of their own. I turn my head and meet my brothers eyes, both of us smiling. We run to each other and fight alongside each other, pushing Negan's forces back to the gates. I see a truck leave alexandria with a retreating Negan holding his middle finger our the window as they leave.

I shoot the back of the truck as it leave to get my final shots in, and once he's gone, I holster my pistol and yell in excitement. I turn to my brother and we give each other a long hug and quickly celebrate our victory. When we separate, we join the others to hunt down any remaining stragglers, and claim this day, as ours.

VVVVVVVVVVV

 **Hey, it's the Sentinel here. I just want to apologize for taking so long with this chapter. I've been kinda busy this month. And I also want to say that I might not update after this upcoming chapter because I've decided that I want to wait until season 8 comes out. I'm sorry for that but I just want to make sure that my story stays relevant to amc's. Once again, I'm so sorry for the wait, and I hope you liked this chapter.**

 **-The Sentinel**


	16. I Am Not Negan: Chapter 16

I walk down the sidewalk admiring this sense of confidence everyone has. It's only been a week since we drove Negan back and it already feels like a whole new world.

As i'm walking, Carl walks up beside me and nudges me on the shoulder.

"What's up winky?" I ask him.

He glares at me and punches me in the arm. I laugh and he shakes his head.

"I told you not to call me that asshole." He tells me with a smile on his face.

"What? I'm just teasin'." I tell him.

He laughs and looks at the ground, "I know."

During my time here me and Carl have grown close. He's like a little brother to me, which is great because I've never had a little brother and it's fun to pick on him. It makes me envious of my actual brothers role in my life.

We end up on the porch of my house sitting on the steps as we watch the horizon with content smiles on our faces. He turns and looks at me with a curious expression.

"What?" I ask.

"What was the old world like? I mean I remember a little bit of it, but I was too young to remember." He says looking forward again.

I smile, "well, it was one kickin' time." I say.

He smiles at me, "what do you miss the most about it?" He asks.

I look off in the distance and smile, "Archer. He was my only true friend and I loved him more than anything in the world. I mean, I loved the shit outta him." I tell him with a small chuckle.

He chuckles and then turns serious, "I'm sorry about him." He tells me.

I smirk and bump shoulders with him, "it's alright. He wouldn't want me to dwell on him. I'm just glad he isn't suffering by that asshole anymore. And soon, we can just move on once all this is over with." I tell him.

He grins, "yea, I just wish we could come up with a peaceful resolution. Something where we could all live together and not fight. Life would be so much better." Carl says looking at the community.

I nod my head, "yea I know. But sometimes things don't go like you want them to. In this case, we're gonna have to fight for our freedom." I tell him.

He nods his head and we sit in silence for another moment. I look to my right and see Rick walk out of his house and to the gazebo and remember that i'm supposed to be meeting with him.

"Ah shit, speaking of fighting, I've gotta go meet with your dad about the plans for our next attack." I tell carl as I stand and begin to walk away.

"He thinks highly of you by the way." Carl says.

I stop and turn to face him, "what?"

"My dad, he trusts you. That's more than I can say about a lot of other people he knows." He says.

I smile. It's nice to know that he doesn't not like me. It feels good to be trusted again. I turn and walk away throwing a wave behind my back as I go.

"I'll catch you later winky!" I say as I walk away.

All I hear is Carl groan in annoyance.

When I get to the gazebo, I see a map spread out on the railing. Rick is studying it and doesn't notice me when I walk up. I knock on the wood.

"Hey." I say.

He looks up and smiles when he sees me. "Glad you made it. I was just going over some ideas for an attack." He says as he looks back at the map.

I nod, "what have we got so far?" I ask him.

He sighs, "nothing too good. Not yet anyways." He says.

I sit on the bench and pat the seat beside me. He folds the map up and places it in his pocket before sitting down beside me.

The sun has begun to set and we sit admiring it for a moment. Then I turn to him and see how tired he is. The whole world seems like it's resting on his shoulders and I can see that it's begun to take a toll on him.

"Why don't we just enjoy this." I say.

He looks at me curiously.

"I mean, we've just thrown a huge metaphorical bird to Negan and haven't had an attack since. This is the most confident I've seen everyone be in a really long time." I tell him, "let's fucking enjoy this!" I say with a smile.

He shakes his head, "I can't stop. I have to finish this." He says.

I look at him with a baffled expression, "Rick, we're winning so far. I haven't seen anyone get under Negan's skin like this ever. I know you may not feel like it but you've already won. Negan is a top notch asshole, believe me I know. But he has no right to claim the world as his. The world is ours by right, and there isn't anything he can do to stop us from claiming it." I tell him seriously.

He shakes his head and smirks at me, "okay, you win." He says.

"Now we're fuckin' talkin'." I say and we both laugh.

"So," he says after a moment of silence, "what do you want to do?" He asks.

I smile and look out at the horizon, "let's just watch the sunset." I say.

He smiles, "yes ma'am."

We sit in silence watching as the sky turns from vibrant scarlets and oranges to deep pinks and purples. I try to think of the last time I just stopped and enjoyed the view, but can't remember. But I smile at this moment knowing that there is still hope left in this fucked up world of ours.

I turn to Rick about to comment on this but am met with his vibrant blue eyes glowing in the light. He's smiling at me in a way that's contagious and I can't help but smile back. For a moment, I stumble trying to find something to say. Then in an instant, my busy mind grinds to a halt as he presses his lips to mine.

He kisses me and it tells me everything that I need to know. Everything summed up in one action. I smile and melt into the kiss placing my hands on both sides of his face as he places a gentle one on mine. When we break apart we're smiling like idiots and break out laughing.

We both sit back and watch the sunset once again. He take my hand in his and I let out a comforting sigh knowing that in this moment, nothing can touch us. This is our world by right.

"I heard you talking to Carl earlier." Rick says breaking the silence.

"Oh yea?" I say.

He nods and looks at me with a sly smirk, "Winky, really?" He says.

I nudge him with my shoulder and laugh, "oh come on, don't you start with me either." I say.

He just sighs and shakes his head.

"What, it's funny!" I say.

 **Hey! The Sentinel here! It's been a long Damn time since I updated but I'm back. I too a much needed break and I think it helped a lot. I've decided I'm going to take a small break in between season 7 and season 8 to develop the characters and their relationships. Also in this story Michonne and Rick aren't together but are close friends. Of course Carl is close to her as they've always been, she just won't have feelings for Rick. Thank you so much for reading and bearing with me for the past few months. I really enjoy writing this fanfic and I hope that you guys enjoy it too! Let me know what you thought of this chapter and once again, thank you!**


	17. I Am Not Negan: Chapter 17

I walk down Alexandria's streets alongside my brother as we prepare to head out for our attack on Sanctuary. Everyone is busy loading up the cars and putting the final touches on the armor. I walk over to my car and sit on the bumper and Paul takes a seat beside me.

"This is really it." I say.

"Yup, hopefully it ends here." He tells me.

"Oh it will, I know this will work. Negan will have his day, I guarantee it." I say looking at him with a smile.

We watch as people work around us. I see Rick out of the corner of my eye as he approaches me. I look to him and smile, but all he reflects is a look of worry and determination.

"Can I talk to you please?" He asks showing no emotion.

"Umm, sure." I say a little confused.

He nods his head and walks over to his vehicle.

I give Paul a quick glance and he just smirks and punches me in the arm.

"Well go ahead, you better catch up with your boyfriend." He says devilishly.

I roll my eyes, "shut up."

I walk over to Rick and look to him with concern, "what's up?" I ask him.

He sighs and looks to the ground, "you should stay here." He says meeting my eyes.

"What?" I ask.

"It isn't safe for you to go. I can't take the chance of you getting taken again." He says concerned.

I shake my head, "No Rick, I have to go." I tell him.

"No you don't, you could stay here." He says with concern.

I sigh and give him a smirk, "Look, I know that you want to protect me and everything, but i'll be alright. I'll look both ways before crossing the street, I'll wear my life jacket, I won't text and drive, all that good stuff." I say jokingly.

His serious look turns into a chuckle and he shakes his head, "okay smartass." He says.

I chuckle, "look, i'll be fine. No need to worry, I'm a big girl, I can handle myself sheriff." I say shoving him slightly.

"Okay, okay, but if you get hurt I want you to know that I will be speaking to the manager." He says in a serious tone.

I laugh, "okay look, if you're going to be making comments like that you may as well dye your hair blonde and drive a mini van with a 'soccer mom' sticker on the back." I say.

He laughs and pulls me in for a hug. I sink into the embrace and he places a gentle kiss on my forehead. We break apart and walk through the parade like line of cars and check in with everyone. First we check in with Aaron and Eric.

Me and Aaron bump fists and Eric brings me in for a hug.

"This is it." Aaron says.

"Hell yea it is. I've got a good feeling about this." I say to them smiling.

Eric smiles, "we've got this, don't worry." He says.

I nod to him and Eric. Rick and I continue to check in with everyone and confirm our plan. Finally, we reach Michonne and Carl. They're talking to each other and laugh every once and a while. Those two are nearly inseparable and are always stirring up trouble, but only in subtle ways.

They see us approach and they smile. I nod my head toward them and I see Michonne lean over and tell Carl something in a hushed tone, which causes him to turn beet red as he tries to suppress a smile.

"What?" I ask.

"Oh it's nothing," Michonne says still laughing a little, "is everyone ready?" She asks sobering up a bit.

"Yea, ready as we'll ever be. I just hope this goes down the way we planned." Rick says.

"It will, I know it." Carl says.

He nods, "you gonna be alright?" Rick asks.

Carl nods, "I've got this. You just worry about Negan, I'll take care of this place." He says.

"Okay." Rick says as he brings Carl in for a hug, "I love you." He tells him.

"I love you too dad." Carl replies.

"Daddy!" I hear Judith cry as she leads my brother over to us.

Judith embraces Rick and I smile. He whispers to her as she listens to her father intently, hanging on to every word. I notice a little yellow dandelion placed neatly in her hair and turn to my brother and see a matching one placed in his as well.

"She wanted to give me a present." He says smiling.

I smile and look down at the little girl who loves her dad with all her might. Rick finishes talking with her and she hugs him with all the strength she's got and so does Rick. I smile at the relationship that they have, hoping that one day if I ever have children, that their father with be as connected with them as Rick is, and that they have a better life than I had. But all that starts with the end of Negan's reign.

Rick says his goodbye's and we walk over to our car and head out for sanctuary. On our way Rick feeds a tape into the tape player in our car. I look at him curiously and he just gives me a mischievous smile. Then an older country song comes on and I groan as he snaps his finger to the tempo.

"Why'd I ride with you again?" I ask him teasingly.

"Well for the music of course." He replies jokingly.

"Sure." I say rolling my eyes.


End file.
